Starbucks Adventures
by Shadow Commando
Summary: Lylat's top mercenary has been sent on his most retarded assignment yet, and things just keep getting more complicated, the most recent development being the appearance of a blue fox named Marcus who seems to recognize Fox.
1. Singin in the Rain

**Disclaimer: I DO own Star fox (not really, just thought I'd say something different).**

Chapter 1: Singin in the Rain

Endless rain fell into a bottomless blue void for miles around. Up till now, the only thing to cut through it was the occasional lightning bolt, but that pattern was broken by a single cloud runner that flew through the stormy weather carrying an equally blue fox on his back.

"I received some random signal and I was bored out of my mind, so I decided to come to this planet to investigate." said Krystal.

"Wait. How did you get here in the first place if you need me to get from A to B?" questioned the cloud runner suspiciously.

"No clue, I've only been in existence for about 35 seconds." replied Krystal.

But before either could ponder that further, a huge red fireball flew over them. Krystal raised her stick up in defense, but a second fireball ripped it from her grasp and sent it plummeting to the planet below.

"No, my staff!" whined Krystal, all the memories of the time they spent together coming back to her. She would miss all those times she beat her brother over the head with it, or poked random people just for fun. But she put those thoughts at the back of her mind as she turned to face her attacker and saw a large pirate ship with a large dinosaur head on the front of it.

"WTF? Who puts a living head on the front of their ship? As a character, I'm only 1 minute old, but even I think that's ridiculous." said Krystal in annoyance. "And why have a flying pirate ship in the first place? Why not just get a starship like everyone else? Or at least make it a regular pirate ship to be more realistic.

The Cloud runner swerved to the right in time to avoid another fireball.

"Can't you do something?" asked Krystal, her claws digging into the cloud runner's back.

"IMA FIRIN MAH LAZER!" bellowed the cloud runner.

"Excuse me?" asked Krystal.

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

A burst of laser shot out of the pterodactyl's mouth and obliterated the big city head.

"Cool. Now land on the ship that just attacked me. I know it's probably full of bad guys who want to kill me, but I'm curious anyway." inquired Krystal.

The cloud runner complied and Krystal ran around on the ship and was surprised to see no one aboard. Then she ran into the cargo hold and found nothing but a gold key. It wasn't much, but since her planet had been destroyed, she hadn't been able to go shopping in almost a week, so this would have to do. She ran back out toward the cabin which had been on fire for nearly 5 minutes and the person inside seemed to not notice until just now.

"OMIGAWD! FIRE!" screamed the green man inside as he jumped out on deck in front of Krystal.

"Stop right there." ordered Krys.

"Or what?" demanded Scales.

"I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far." replied Krystal.

"You can't stop me, I'm the tyrant and dictator of this planet which I rule through fear…but I'm not evil." said Scales, his fingers crossed behind his back.

Then Krystal decided to run up to Scales for no reason and was stopped when he grabbed her by the throat.

"See ya next fall." he chuckled as he threw her overboard, only to see her pop back up on the same cloud runner from before.

"Na na, boo boo, you can't catch me." taunted Krystal, flicking the birdy at Scales while the bigger birdy flew away.

"You haven't seen the last of me!" shouted the Grinch…I mean Scales.

**This is the end of chapter 1.**

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**That means review. :(**


	2. Krazoa Palace

**I'd like to thank all those who reviewed. Now I shall continue the saga of stupidity that is Adventures.**

Chapter 2: Krozoa Palace

After flying through the rain for what seemed like hours, the cloud runner finally came to rest at a creepy mansion resting on a mountaintop.

"I have to rest." said the Cloudrunner. "I might take a while."

"Good, because I seriously have to go to the bathroom." said Krystal, who took off toward the nearest restroom, only to find it locked.

"UGH! Open, damn you!" she cursed as she twisted and tugged at the knob, but to no avail. Getting desperate, she banged on the door, hoping someone inside would hear her.

"MUST. USE. POTTY. She screamed as her fists drummed the door. But no response. Reaching her limit, Krystal ran over to a fuel barrel, ripped off of the generator, and tossed it at the door, obliterating it in a glorious fireball.

Krystal rushed inside, only to discover with disappointment that the toilet was just another dinosaur head.

"If you go in me, you die!" it said threateningly.

"When a toilet starts talking, it's time to give up." said Krystal, walking away from the bizarre scene. She would have to hold it in for now.

She picked up another barrel and threw it at a door that had been blocked and entered through the hole that the explosion created and found herself inside a shiny room with decorations that gave it the aura of a temple, which was probably the intention of whoever built this place. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a wounded triceratops laying on it's side. She quickly ran over to it to find out what had happened.

"Are you okay?" asked Krystal.

"Scales attacked this palace, so we were sent to protect it, but since we don't have any hands, we couldn't do much and got our asses handed to us." replied the dinosaur mournfully.

"That's something else I don't get. How come the Sharpclaw have hands, but the other dinosaurs don't?" asked Krystal curiously.

"Ever heard of a game company called Nintendo?" asked the Dino.

"Yeah, I heard they're desperate for money." replied Krystal.

"Well now you know why. Any who, you need to take the spirit in the next room back to the shrine, but only those pure of heart can get it." said the Dino.

"What about Scales? He's pure evil, but he still gets a spirit at the end of the game." protested Krystal.

"Nuh uh." said the Dino.

"Yeah huh." said Krystal.

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Nuh uh."

"YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" weeped Krystal as she ran to the next room and saw a big purple head floating around.

"Yeah, you must be the spirit thing the gnarly goat dude mentioned." inquired Krystal.

"SILENCE!" shouted the Krozoa spirit. "I am the Patron God of Purple-Spaghetti-Hair, and I'll be yours to take back to the shrine if you can pass the test of observation.

"You mean watch you jump inside a basket, move so slowly that a two year old couldn't miss it, and then walk up to the said basket and touch it?" asked Krystal.

"Err…pretty much." said the Spirit.

"Okay, I'll submit to your test, oh wise one." said Krystal sarcastically.

The spirit jumped inside a basket and rotated around the room at the speed of a gay turtle, then it came to a dead stop. Krystal impatiently trotted over to the basket and plucked the floating head out of it.

"FISHPASTE! How did you find me?" demanded the spirit.

"Mad skills, I guess." said Krystal sarcastically.

The Spirit then moved into Krystal and got used to it's new host.

"Heeeeyyyy, I could look at myself nude." said the Spirit evilly.

"Nice try, but your powers don't include controlling me, you pervert." replied Krystal.

"Damn." said the Spirit

Krystal then took the spirit to the shrine and let it out, but then Mark Mcguire came out of nowhere and hit her with his baseball bat, sending her flying right into…ANOTHER CRYSTAL! How ironic.

The giant diamond floated tot eh top of the palace and stayed suspended, leaving Krystal trapped with nothing good to look at.

"I STILL NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" she screamed.

**Same routine. Review or I don't continue.**


	3. Captain Obvious

**Ya know, the weird thing is that while this story is getting more attention than all my other fics put together, I can type this out as slowly as I want and still get it done on time. How cool is that? But that's another story (literally), time to move on.**

Chapter 3: WORK ON IT!

Out in the far reaches of the big black void known as space, all was quiet and time stood still, save for a big ass spaceship plowing through the cosmos. On the side of the vessel was it's owner's logo, "Starfox," which was the name of the team that saved the Lylat system back in 1997, but you already know about that, so I'll skip the details and get to the point (that was a long sentence).

On the Great Fox, McCloud was having the time of his life staring at a wall, until he heard a horrible nose coming from the other side of the room.

"Yo, tell me whatchu want, whatchu really, really, want. So tell me whatchu want, whatchu really, really want. I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. I want-"

"Tricky, could you turn that down, please?" asked Fox, using extreme self restraint.

"For the last time, my name is Slippy, but yeah, I'll give you a break." said the stubby frog as he chunked a monkey wrench at the jukebox. The music stopped immediately, but at a price, because the sound of the wrench colliding with the machine produced a crash like thunder, which sent shivers up Fox's spine due to his sensitive hearing.

"Damn it, Slip, couldn't you use the remote?" asked Fox in irritation.

"But I keep my spare wrenches with me so I won't have to use the remote." said Slippy, grinning stupidly.

Fox was about to throw his own wrench at Slippy until he noticed Peppy snoring through the whole thing.

"How come Peppy is always sleeping?" Fox asked.

"Well, normally, he is dead, but he sleeps so he can save what life he has left to-"

"Wrong video game." interrupted Fox.

Just then, a holographic image of a Beagle's head appeared in the center of the room.

"EEP! What the hell is that ugly thing?!?" shrieked Fox. "Oh wait, it's General Pepper."

"Greetings, Starbucks, it's me, Captain Obvious!" the elderly Beagle greeted.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious, now tell us something we don't know." replied Fox.

"You are approaching Dinosaur Planet." announced Pepper.

"Ye-ah, I can see that." replied Fox, looking out the window at Sauria, which had several chunks of it's surface orbiting it.

"The planet is breaking up!" continued Pepper.

"What gave that away? The Texas sized chunks orbiting a planet full of equally huge craters, or are you some kind of psychic?" snapped Fox in annoyance.

"We need you to go put the pieces back together, but the only lead we have is someone named Queen Earthwalker." said pepper.

"Lemme get this straight, a doomed planet is breaking apart, about to explode, and you think that me talking to some dinosaur chick is going to solve everything…Next you'll be telling me to kill a bunch of bad guys without my blaster." laughed Fox.

"There's money in it for you." offered Pepper.

At this, Fox's ears perked up.

"How much are we talking?" he asked.

"Precisely $5,000,000,000." replied Pepper.

"Great, that would be just enough to pay off the debt I owe for pizza and porn." said Fox with relief.

-

A moment later, a single Arwing jettisoned itself from the Great Fox and sped toward it's target.

"Fly through one gold ring to reach Sauria." ordered Pepper.

"Why do I gotta fly through a ring? Couldn't I just go around the debris field and go straight to Sauria?" asked Fox.

"Just fly through the damn ring." replied Pepper.

"Fine." growled Fox. But before he got too far, an angel smashed into his wind shield.

"Hurry, Fox, fly through a silver ring to repair your windshield." said Slippy.

"Will someone please explain to me why flying through a freakin ring has any effect on my ship?" asked Fox.

"DO NOT QUESTION THE WISDOM OF THE HOLY STARFOX RINGS. THEY ARE VERY SACRED AND…erm…HOLY!" said Pepper, turning to a shrine labeled "Shrine for the Holy Starfox Rings."

"Oh screw this, die already!" shouted Fox, throwing everything he had at the asteroids and enemy fighters which came out of nowhere. Fox threw laser after missile after parakeet at the attackers, but every time one went down, ten more took it's place, so Fox pulled a token out of his glove compartment.

"You'll never beat me, I've got CHEAT CODES!" said Fox, grinning evilly as he opened the Pandora's box. As he did, the enemies disappeared, but as a result, the game started lagging and Fox couldn't make it through the pointless closing door as it crunched the wings off his fighter.

"BLAST IT!" shouted Fox as he plummeted toward the planet below.

"You should have flown through a gold riiiiiiiing!" shouted Slippy from the safety of the Great Fox.

_**What will happen to our hero, Fox? Will he crash and burn?…or will he conveniently land on a soft haystack in the middle of Thorntail Hollow? Review and find out.**_


	4. Warp Stoned

**I made this one a bit longer, so I hope you all enjoy it. I'd also like to thank everyone who took the time to review so far. You guys are the fuel that keeps this going. Writing it is only half the work.**

Chapter 4: Warp Stoned

Several Thorntails looked up to see Fox's Arwing land on a conveniently placed haystack in the middle of Thorntail Hollow. Fox quickly jumped out to assess the status of his only means of getting around. Unfortunately, the only thing left of it was the cockpit. It was then that Pepper chose to show up on the scene, via hologram.

"Captain Obvious here, you made it." he said excitedly.

Fox turned around and gave Pepper a glare that would have melted his face off if looks could kill.

"Thank you, General Obvious, now tell me why I couldn't bring a blaster." he growled.

Pepper seemed unfazed as he continued.

"That's _Captain _Obvious to you, and weapons are forbidden because this mission is about saving the planet."

Fox's jaw hit the dirt.

"YOU ENVIRONMENTALISTS SUCK!" he roared.

"Come on, Fox, think of all those poor whales that might get scared off from all the shooting." whined Pepper.

"This is war, you stupid sheep shit. I need a weapon to defend myself with!" shouted Fox angrily. It seemed like he was always having to deal with these foolish political types, one way or another.

"Try using your head." suggested Pepper.

Fox only stared at him.

"Whoa, that was so stupid, it wasn't even obvious…that's not like you, Pepper." he replied.

"Maybe you could look around for a magical stick nearby." said Pepper.

"Like that's ever gonna happen. Listen, just leave it to me and I'll report back when I know what's going on." said Fox.

Pepper eyed him suspiciously.

"Don't even think about trying to sneak a blaster through here. Our scanners can detect the smallest energy discharge." warned Pepper, his image fading.

Fox reached into his glove compartment and pulled out a shiny Desert Eagle with a green laser sight attached.

"Good thing those greenies can't detect bullets." said Fox, grinning.

After shoving an ammo clip inside his weapon, Fox peeked around the corner, and would you know it? A staff glowing with magical blue energy was the first thing he saw.

"You've got to be kidding me." said Fox as he walked up to the staff and pulled it out of the hole in the ground. As he did, a big blue head appeared next to him and started speaking gibberish.

"AHH! GET AWAY!" screamed Fox, swinging wildly at the floating blue head until it shrank out of sight.

"Weirdest shit ever." said Fox.

He then saw a temple like structure and walked over to it, hoping to find someone inside, but before he could knock, several Sharpclaw scurried out the front door and surrounded Fox.

"Yo, what up, whitey? Youz can't get in the hood without takin a beating." said Sharpclaw 1.

"Sorry, I don't speak retard. Sloppy, can you translate for me?" asked Fox.

"It's "Slippy," dammit, and they said you couldn't pass." said Slip.

"Youz iz goin down, foo." said Sharpclaw 3.

Hearing this, Fox got a crazed look in his eye.

"STOP SPEAKING DEVIL TALK!!!!" he screamed, bringing his Desert Eagle up and shooting at the Sharpclaw, using the gun's kick to create a sweeping motion that helped him disintegrate each dino's head with each shot.

The last Sharpclaw collapsed in his own brain matter and Fox calmly walked into the temple, placing his weapon back in his holster as he went. Upon entering the temple, he immediately noticed a large triceratops laying on it's side. He didn't notice anything out of the ordinary about the dino until he saw a crown on it's head. That was when his mind flashed back to what General Pepper had said.

"Wait? This is the Queen Earthwalker?" asked Fox in disbelief. "Oh for crying out loud, I came here hoping to meet some hot dino chicks, but instead, I get some fat drag queen who can't even stand up straight."

At this, the queen glared at him.

"Shut yo trap, foo, my bitch iz stuck on the izzity izzle mountain and yo ass is gonna have to drag him back cuz my ass won't fit through the doorway." she said angrily.

"Uhhh…what?" asked Fox, unable to understand her alien language.

Slippy's image popped up next to Fox.

"She says…that you're supposed to bring her son back from ice mountain, and to use the warpstone to get there." said Slippy."

"Ok, I'll see what I can do." said Fox, running out the door. He jogged over to what looked like a statue of Shrek and figured that it had to be the warpstone since he didn't see any other important looking rocks nearby. He was about to ask around for someone who could warp him when the stone itself turned to him.

"What gives? Nobody brings me gifts anymore." bellowed the stone.

"I wonder why." said Fox sarcastically.

Again, Slippy popped up.

"You could try the shop nearby. They might have something that a statue would like, though I'm not sure what that might be." said Slippy.

"Alright, I'll go check it out." said Fox, walking over to a cave with a curtain over the entrance. As he passed through it, he found himself in a heavily perfumed room with a cross dressing dinosaur with no legs floating in the center.

"Buy something or get out." it snapped in a dry, raspy voice.

"Don't worry, I intend to do both." replied Fox, already not liking this place much. He looked around for something that might appeal to a giant statue, which could have been anything for all he knew, but he couldn't seem to come up with anything fitting, until he saw an item labeled "Rock Candy."

"How fitting. I'll pay 25 scarabs for this." offered Fox, holding out 25 of the insects he had collected on his way in.

The shopkeeper looked over the glowing bugs thoughtfully before shaking his head.

"No, that's too low."

"Oh, ok, I'll pay 30 then." offered Fox, trying to keep a smile on his face.

Again, the shopkeeper shook his head.

"No, that's too low."

"Well how bout 40?"

"No, that's too low."

"50?"

"No, that's too low."

"70?"

"No, that's too low."

"100?" asked Fox, reaching for his gun.

"Hmmm…ok, I'll sell it to you." said the shopkeeper.

Fox eased the grip on his gun and handed the scarabs to the shopkeeper. He was definitely going to need more scarabs if he was to buy anything else useful from this idiot, but he'd also need something to hold the scarabs with. He then carried the bigass rock back to the warpstone and set it down in front of him. The giant's eyes lit up.

"Ooooh, a luvelay sweetay!" he said, popping it into his mouth. "NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!"

"Sooo…do you think you can help me now?" asked Fox.

"Ooooh, prettay colorrrrrrrrssssssss….." said the stone, swaying violently.

"Uh…What was in that candy?" asked Fox to no one in particular.

"Fox, that wasn't candy, that was a big rock with the word "Candy" written on it." replied Slippy.

"What a rip-off…but at least that explains the stone acting weird. Hey, big gray guy!" called out Fox.

"Huh? Wassat?" asked the stone, snapping out of it.

"Can you warp me to ice mountain?" asked Fox?

The stone only stared at him before grinning ear to ear.

"Warp you? HAHAHAHA. No." laughed the warpstone.

"But you're a warpstone. You're supposed to help." whined Fox.

"Laddy, I be just a talkin rock. Who told you I could warp things?" asked the stone.

Fox's vision turned red, with the warpstone in the middle of it.

"Blast him, Slappy!" ordered Fox.

"SLIPPY!" corrected Slip.

"Blast him, Slippy!" ordered Fox.

Two laser blasts fell out of the sky and obliterated the warp stone, leaving the entrance to the maze uncovered.

"How are you gonna get to ice mountain now?" asked Slippy.

"Well I ain't gonna use a stoned stone to get there." shot back Fox.

"Don't worry about it, I'll just warp you another Arwing." said Slippy.

"Wait, if you can warp my Arwing, then why can't you just warp me?" asked Fox.

"Plot Convenience!!!!" snapped Slippy.

"Right." said Fox climbing into his new Arwing and flying toward Ice Mountain.

**Well, I hoped you found it satisfactory. Now review or I'll have Sloppy blast you.**

**Slippy: IT'S SLIPPY!**


	5. Brain Freeze

**I have nothing to say, except that I'm getting paid by the line…and I just made $60. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

Chapter 5: Brain Freeze

Fox set his Arwing down on a hill top on Ice Mountain and hopped out of the cockpit to investigate the snowy landscape. As he was looking around, he heard a dull roar coming from above and looked up to see what looked like a mini version of the Great Fox coming down. He jumped behind a snow bank and watched as a young triceratops was lowered down from the ship to the snow below. The ship sped away and two Sharpclaw descended upon the young dino.

"Man, we went to a lot of trouble to get this dino here unharmed after we lost a lot of men capturing him…now let's kill him." said Sharpclaw 1.

"Makes sense." said Sharpclaw 2, clobbering the dino over the head.

Having had enough, the small guy ran toward a cave nearby to hide from the Sharpclaw. Unfortunately, they weren't far behind him and locked the door as they trapped the Prince inside with them.

General Pepper's image popped up beside Fox.

"Great Goober Peas! That looked like Prince Tricky!" said Pepper.

"No, really? I thought that was Ben Aflec." said Fox sarcastically.

"AFLEC!" shouted a white duck.

Fox hit the duck over the head, killing him.

"Fox, listen," said Pepper, "You need to get Slippy-"

"Tricky." corrected Slippy.

"Sorry, I can never get those names in order. Anyways, you need to get Tricky out of there and back to his mother." continued Pepper.

"Are you sure?" asked Fox sarcastically.

"Yes, time is money, now quit wasting both." responded Pepper.

"Question from the crowd," said Fox raising his hand, "How am I supposed to get in? The door is indestructible."

It was then that Peppy decided to break his silence in this fiction (and that's a bad thing).

"I have an idea." said Peppy.

"Finally! Let's hear it." said Fox.

"Well first, you need to-"

But before Peppy could finish, he fell asleep.

"Any other bright ideas?" asked Fox.

"I think you're supposed to shoot a fireball from your magic schtick at the red symbol above the door to open it." said Slippy.

"Whose idea was that?" asked Fox.

"It was the idea of a game company called Rare?" said Slippy.

"Never heard of them." replied Fox.

"Now you know why." said Slippy.

"Okay, but what happens when I get in? They might kill Slippy-"

"Tricky." corrected Slippy.

"They might kill Tricky and the mission will be as good as over." said Fox.

"I suggest you go inside and introduce yourself as the leader of Star Fox. Since you're well known, they might stand aside if they know what's good for them." suggested Pepper.

"Hmmm…" thought Fox, playing the scenario in his head.

(Imagination)

Fox walked up to the two Sharpclaw beating the crap out of the frog prince.

"Hey, scale face, pick on someone your own size." he ordered.

"What? Are you dissin me, furry?" asked Sharpclaw 2.

"I am Fox McCloud, leader of the Starfox Team and I'm here to bring the Prince back…home?" said Fox, watching Tricky run out the door. Fox was then knocked to the ground by both Sharpclaw who began to rape him with their spike ball clubs.

(imagination ends)

"Pepper, I think you've been spending too much time in the office." said Fox, pulling out the magic staff. He shot a fireball at the red symbol and the door lifted open as Fox walked in. Two gunshots later, both Sharpclaw lay on the ground headless. But before Fox could introduce himself to the Prince, Tricky took off down the mountain. Fox ran back to his Arwing, only to find it sliding down the mountain as well.

"Guys, my Arwing is sliding down the hill." radioed Fox.

"Did you park it?" asked ROB.

"I knew I was forgetting something." replied Fox as he ran back inside and hijacked a hover bike. He slid down the mountain as fast as he could, dodging rocks, mammoths, and little children on sleds. But then he saw where the road ended and tried to brake as he shot over the cliff.

"Whhhhoooooaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1one11eleven"

(Splash)

Fox dove up for air and took a big gulp of it once he reached the surface. Ignoring the warmth of the hot spring, he climbed out and found himself standing over the Earthwalker Prince who just stared at him.

"Uhh…hi, I'm here to drag you back to your mommy. Any questions?" asked Fox awkwardly.

"Yeah, why were you falling so slowly?" asked Tricky.

**Still nothing to say. Now review before I crush you into two reviewer cubes and hang them from my rear view mirror.**


	6. Ice Age

**Well, after God knows how long, I finally updated. Hope you all enjoy.**

Chapter 6: Ice Age  
After running down the mountain and playing hopscotch over a not-so-harmless-looking lava pit, Fox was beginning to wonder if they were going in the right direction. In other words, he was a bit lost.

"Hey Slippy-"

"It's Tricky." interrupted Tricky.

"Sorry, I can never get those names in order." apologized Fox. "Anyway, do you think you could show me how to get back to the hollow?"

Tricky stared at Fox like he'd grown another head.

"No, of course not. Why would you even suggest something like that? Omigawd!" scoffed the midget dino.

Fox frowned in major confusion. He could not recall saying or doing anything to offend the small guy but he couldn't afford to get into a fight with a member of the royal family if he could help it, so he decided to find out what was wrong.

"Why? What's the problem? Are you lost, too?" he asked.

"When I'm hungry, I'm in a bad mood, so until I get some dancing mushrooms, I'm not gonna listen. Na na." snapped Tricky in a south park voice.

He couldn't afford stupidity, either. After some thorough searching, Fox finally found the mushrooms Tricky was looking for. It wasn't hard to spot them since they started bouncing away like Mexican jumping beans. After chasing them from here to infinity, Fox had had enough and just shot the damn thing with his Desert Eagle and picked it up and could have sworn it shrunk to the size of a grapefruit as soon as it was in the palm of his glove. He handed it to Tricky who gobbled up the tiny mushroom and let out a satisfied belch that knocked Fox off his boots.

"Man, I'm stuffed." said Tricky and ran off in a random direction.

Fox's eye twitched slightly. Not only was this dino testing his patience, but his belief in the laws of physics as well.

"GET THE !%$&%!$%!$%&!$%&$%&%$&%% BACK HERE!!!!!!!!111one111eleven" he screamed, chasing after the little turd.

After following footprints that parted and went in opposite directions and going in circles for nearly an hour, Fox was ready to collapse, but forced himself to move around the corner and saw Tricky getting raped by three Sharpclaw- all at the same time. Fox would have let the torture continue, but the Prince (or is it princess?) was his paycheck, which was something he wasn't going to give up easily, so he pulled out his Desert Eagle, killed two of the Sharpclaw, but then his gun clicked empty on the third shot, so he pulled out the staff from the hollow and fired a red ball at the Sharpclaw, but he blocked it with his club. Fox cocked his head in suspicion and fired another bolt at his head, but the Sharpclaw held his club up in front of him and the fire bolt burnt out in front of him. Fox fired at the dino's feet, but with the same result. So finally, Fox pulled a frag grenade out of his pocket and chunked it at the Barney reject who was enveloped in a big fireball. Fox let out a whoop and watched the smoke begin to dissipate. His eyes bulged from their sockets when he saw the Sharpclaw still standing there unscathed with it's club raised in front of it protectively. The green dino grinned evilly and brought his other hand up and beckoned.

"Bring it."

"SCREW THIS! DIE ALREADY!" screamed Fox, charging at the Sharpclaw, his combat knife drawn. He got three steps closer with each sprint. 20 feet…15 feet…5 feet. But just as he was getting ready to plunge his silver blade beautifully into Barney's left eye, the fat ass jumped at Fox, knocking him on his ass, and laughed at him to add insult to injury. That was when Fox remembered his Desert Eagle. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a spare clip, slammed it into his weapon and aimed it at the fat bastard. The Sharpclaw's smile immediately faded from existence.

"Wait," he said, "Don't you want this to be a fair fight?"

"Nice try." said Fox, squeezing the trigger and turning the dino's head into abstract art.

He then turned to Tricky who was lying in a fetal position (or whatever position dinosaurs lie in).

"You…suck." was all the cold blood could muster.

Fox's vision narrowed.

"Let's get something straight, I kicked ass while you were getting it in the ass, I'm here to save your planet and keep you safe, so unless I at least get a bit of thanks, I think it's safe to say that I don't suck as bad as you, ya hippie." replied Fox, picking up the dino.

"I thought you were getting paid to do this." shot back Tricky.

"Shut up." said Fox.

The furry merc continued walking, Tricky in tow, until he reached a depressing looking mammoth with a deformed head.

"Hey, uh, do you think you could help me out with that snow pile over there?" asked Fox.

The mammoth didn't seem to notice the fox who was carrying a dying dinosaur in his arms and continued staring into space.

"Ahm tew hungray tew tok tew strangas." he replied pompously.

Fox was not about to go chasing after dancing vegetables again.

"How bout I put some iron in your diet?" asked Fox, leveling his magnum between the mammoth's eyes.

"Err…sounds like a good deal." replied the mammoth, knocking the block of ice over so Fox could use it.

"Thanks, now aren't you supposed to give me a scarab bag or something?" asked Fox.

The mammoth pulled a sackcloth out of his ass and set it down in front of him.

"Ah, but this isn't any ordinary scarab bag…this is an 'Arab Bag.'" replied the mammoth. "It contains magical creatures that love to blow things up."

"Cool." said Fox, latching the bag onto his belt and climbing over the snow mound. He continued walking until he came to a cave that Tricky said led to the hollow. The only problem was that a sumo sized Sharpclaw was standing in front of it. Upon seeing Fox, the dino raised his staff and tried to charge, but his ass was too heavy, so he gave up on attacking, but was still determined to defend the entrance.

"You pay me scarabs to pass." demanded the Santaclaw.

A smirk came over Fox's face.

"Did you say…'Arabs?'" he asked, pulling the bag open. As he did, a bearded midget wearing a turbin and an explosive vest jumped out and ran toward the ugly green guy shouting "ALLAAAAAH" and exploded as soon as he reached him, obliterating them both.

Fox closed the bag and tied it to his belt once more.

"That Arab bag came in handy after all. I killed two birds with one stone." chuckled the mercenary as he took the shortcut to the hollow.

**_Sorry it was so short, I couldn't think up a lot of things to put in, but I promise there won't be anymore delays. At least not as long as the last one. _**

**_Now review or it's the Arab bag for you. :P_**


	7. Off to Neverland

**My apologies for taking so long, it was taking me forever to come up with something funny, so don't expect my updates to be as fast as they were in the past.**

Chapter 7: Off to Never Land

Fox came skipping out of the sewer like a fag with Tricky close behind. They both climbed down the ladder and ran over to the queen.

"Hey mom, I'm back. Fox got beat up by three sharpclaw but I rescued him." said Tricky.

"If by 'Fox' you mean a small runt who couldn't run away from said sharpclaw despite being in a wide open field." shot back Fox.

"Erf…that's great Sticky, but mommy's not feeling well. I need white mushrooms." said mamma Earthwalker.

"It's 'Tricky'" replied the small fry.

"Whatever" grunted mama luigi.

Before Tricky could say anything, General Pepper's hologram flew out of nowhere and stopped in front of Fox.

"The Queen needs white mushrooms."

"Hey, I was supposed to tell Fox that, even though my mom already said it." snapped Tricky.

"So sue me." smirked Pepper.

A lawyer comes out of a plot hole and sues Pepper.

"Fine, I'll go and get those white mushrooms." said Fox, heading over to a scary looking cave.

_  
Spongebob Narrator: 10 minutes later_

We see Fox on a hospital bed covered in bandages. Fox's eyes open slowly.

"Oooooh, my head. Tricky, what happened?"

"You went into the cave and slipped on an ice cube." replied Tricky.

"Okay, what's your situation?" asked a fish-like doctor nearby.

"I went into a cave and got covered in boo boos." Whined Fox.

"Boo boos, eh? You probably belong in that hospital." replied the doctor pointing out the window.

Fox looked out the window and his eyes widened.

"WEENIE HUT GENERAL?!?" he shrieked, running out of the room.

A few minutes later, Fox arrived back at the hollow.

"Okay, I got your mushroom." said Fox, pulling out a white mushroom.

The Earthwalker Queen's eyes lit up.

"Oh my God, I can't wait to eat this mushroom. I just hope that that _Mysterious thing_ doesn't happen to me again."

And with that, she prepared to feast on the white plant, but as she got ready to chow down, a small black face appeared on the mushroom and out of it's mouth came a not-so-small beam of laser.

"BWAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Then Slippy's hologram appeared.

"Fox, the planet's not coming back together."

Pepper bitch slaps Slippy.

"Restating the obvious is my job!" barked the old pooch.

"So what does bring a planet back together?" asked Fox to no one in particular.

"You must go get the spell stones. They're the keys to restoring the planet to it's former glory." said the Earthwalker Queen, her face now burnt black.

"Oh yeah that made a lot of sense, Nintendo." said Fox sarcastically. "Where's the first 'spell stone?'"

The Earthwalker Queen handed Fox a key.

"You'll have to go talk to the Snowhorn Gate Keeper. He's the one who keeps an eye on things so I don't have to."

"Just like Obama's czars, and we don't even know what their jobs are, yet." said Fox jogging back to the sewer with Tricky following him like a lost puppy.

5 minutes later, Fox came back out the other end that he went into only a half hour before and used the key the queen had given him to open the gate to the snowhorn wastes, which lived up to it's name from what Fox could see. He made his way over to what looked like an elephant trunk sticking up out of ice.

"Help, somebody get me out!" shouted a mammoth from underneath the ice.

"What happened to you?" asked Fox, trying not to laugh.

"I'm the gate keeper. General Scales told me to give him the spell stone or he would force my entire tribe to do the chicken dance on MTV. I refused, of course, but my daughter couldn't bare the thought of our tribe suffering such a horrible fate, so she gave him the spell stone. We're all going to die, of course, but at least we won't have to be on MTV now." replied Gerunda.

"Hold on. How many sharp claw did Scales have with him?" asked Fox.

Gerunda thought about it.

"Not much, only a few guards. Why do you ask?"

"Are mammoths capable of fighting sharp claw?" asked Fox.

"Of course we are! Our tusks are fearsome weapons known across the planet!" shouted Gerunda Te, sounding insulted.

"So you all are fearsome fighters and General Scales was nearly defenseless…then why didn't you just TRAMPLE HIM AND HIS GUARDS TO DEATH?!? Scales is the only reason the sharp claw are still fighting, for damn's sake. Simply kill Scales and end the whole war tomorrow. How's that for a plan?" asked Fox angrily.

Gerunda pondered that (as best he could).

"Hmmm, fascinating…now get me out of here."

Fox's face turned beet red.

"RAAAHHH DAMMIT! COULD ANYONE IN THE UNIVERSE POSSIBLY BE STUPIDER THAN YOU?!?"

Then several sharp claw came out of nowhere.

"Hey look, it's teh furry. Let's club em." said Sharpclaw 1.

"Huhuhuhuhuh. You said 'club.' Huhuhuhuhuh." said Sharpclaw 2.

"I stand corrected." said Fox pulling out his magnum, but then put it back in his holster. "Not painful enough."

Fox pulled out the staff he found in the hollow and shot a fireball at the first sharpclaw, but it disintegrated before it even touched the barney wannabe. Fox soon saw why when he noticed the sharpclaw had it's war club raised in front of it.

"What the fuck?!?" shouted Fox in disbelief.

Even Nintendo couldn't be that unimaginative.

"You should have flown through a gold ring." said Slippy's hologram.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Fox, smashing the hologram projector with his staff.

No more Slippy. =D

Fox charged at the sharpclaw and knocked the first sharpclaw's club out of his hands, leaving him defenseless, and then drove the staff through the dino's chest and then raised the staff in the air and swung it around with the sharpclaw still attached to it and used him as a club to knock the other sharpclaw over before tossing the first sharpclaw still stuck on his staff aside and then unloading his magnum into the other sharpclaw.

"And I didn't even need tusks to do it." said Fox, smirking at his handiwork.

"What just happened? I didn't see anything." said the mammoth from underneath the ice.

Fox just gazed to the sky.

"Please God, kill me now."

"I'm still stuck. I need some frost weeds to get out." said Gerunda Te.

"And why should I help you?" asked Fox.

"Because I can unlock the next level in the game." said Gerunda.

"Good point." said Fox.

He ran over to a tree and knocked off some weeds and brought them over to the big nose sticking out of the ground.

"Ok, I got some of them." he said.

Gerunda used his trunk to feel around until he grabbed something and quickly pulled it down and swallowed it.

"GOWD EATIN!" belched the mammoth. "Okay Fox, stand back…Fox?…FOX?"

"Get me out of here!!!" screamed Fox from inside Gerunda.

"At least that explains why the weeds tasted like fur." said Gerunda.

After belching Fox back out, he jumped up and broke the ice and was able to climb out of the hole.

"Okay, I got you out of the hole, now it's time for you to hold up your end of the deal." said Fox, wiping puke off himself.

"Err…yeah, about that…" said Gerunda.

"What now?" asked Fox, irritated.

"Well I'm getting old, so I tend to forget things and I…I…ah…AH…AHHHHHHHCHOOO!!!!"

A sparkly ball of light shot out of Gerunda's nose and flew up into the sky, and from it, a huge portal opened up.

"Ah yes, now I remember how the portal works." said Gerunda Te.

"Yup, I think I just figured it out, too." mumbled Fox, gazing at the monument of stupidity above him. "Slippy, warp me down an Arwing."

"Sure thing, Fox." replied Slippy.

A beam of light shined down from the sky on Gerunda Te.

"Take me with you, God!" shouted Gerunda up at the beam of light.

Then an arwing fell down on top of Gerunda, flattening him.

"Wish granted!" laughed Fox.

After Fox stopped laughing, he climbed into the arwing, and unfortunately, so did Tricky. Then the small fighter blasted off toward the Dark Ice Cream Mine.

**  
You got yer update, now gimme my review.**


	8. Dark Ice Cream Mines

**Not much to say, except...HAPPY SAINT VALENTINE'S DAY! =D**

Chapter 8: Dark Ice Cream Mines

The clear blue sky soon turned to a pitch black as Fox cleared the Planet's atmosphere and found himself in the asteroid field, yet again.

"Shouldn't be too hard. It's not like a bunch of enemies would conveniently know where I was headed and wait for me in a field full of space rocks." chuckled Fox.

But before you could say '_Crunchitize me, Cap'n'_ several green plasma bolts flew past Fox's arwing. Fox looked into his rear view mirror to see several TIE Fighters pursuing him.

"I have you now." laughed their leader, firing more blasts at Fox.

Just then, Fox heard a faint, familiar voice in his head.

_Use the force, Fox…do a barrel roll._

Fox immediately _force_d his joystick to the right and tapped A repeatedly, making his arwing spin. This confused the TIE Pilots who tried to do the same, but they all smashed into asteroids, leaving Fox free to continue to his destination. Then the voice came back.

_Remember…the barrel will be with you…always._

Fox grabbed his headset and pressed the talk button.

"Peppy, stop jacking my com line."

_Oh you're no fun._ whined Peppy.

Fox continued on toward the chunk of Sauria covered in ice until he entered it's atmosphere.

"Tricky, where's the Dark Ice Cream Mine?" asked Fox.

"It's down by that big fort with a bunch of sharpclaw swarming around in it. We'll need to land inside the volcano so we can take them out without being detected." suggested Tricky.

(imagination)

Fox's arwing hovers over the volcano and slowly lowers itself inside, but just as it gets inside the crater…

_"SHOOP DA WHOOP!"_ said the volcano as a stream of lava shot out of it and swallowed up the arwing.

(imagination ends)

"Or we could just blast em from the air." said Fox, turning his Arwing toward the snow fort and launching a WTF Bomb at it.

Down below, a sharpclaw, whose name was Mike, stopped fooling around with the cannon and looked up to see a bright, beeping object heading straight at him.

"_WHAT THE FU- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM! HAHAHAHAHA! EHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

All that remained was a smoking crater.

"Well it's not a volcano, but the smoke will still conceal my fighter…not that it will matter since I can just have Slippy warp me a replacement, anyway." said Fox as he landed his arwing in the middle of the crater and rigged the spare WTF bomb on it to go off if anyone tried to jack his ride.

Fox and Tricky looked around for the mine until they looked underneath the wreckage of the fort and found a tunnel which seemed to go on forever, so Fox found another hover bike and rode it through the tunnel, leaving Tricky behind while _Born to be Wild_ played in the background. As Fox was _headin down the highway,_ another sharpclaw on a hover bike rode up beside him.

"Hey furry guy, can you give me directions to 1733 North Irving?"

"Do you have Onstar?" asked Fox.

The sharpclaw pressed the onstar button while Fox pulled out his magnum and shot him off his bike. On the radio, the onstar lady could be heard panicking.

"_Snake? Stop kidding…Snake?…SNAAAAAAAAKE?!?"_

Fox continued on through the tunnel until he entered a big room and went straight off the edge and landed in a heap. When he looked up, he saw what looked like wall mounted blowtorches headed right for him, so he quickly got up and ran the other way, but as his eye sight adjusted to the darkness, he realized that everything else in the mine was perfectly stationary. He soon found out why when he looked down and discovered he was running on a conveyor belt moving in the opposite direction. Fox hopped down onto the floor below where two more sharpclaw were and quickly grabbed one and held him in front of himself at knife point, using him as a shield while the other one stood there wondering why the only weapon he got was a freakin club. Fox wasted no time throwing his meat shield at the other sharpclaw and then knifing them both while they were getting back up. Then he ran past a pointless obstacle course full of rotating blow torches which did nothing to slow him down and then walked over to a cell that held a female mammoth and blew the lock off with his magnum and walked inside while Tricky, who had just now caught up with Fox, followed him in.

The mammoth turned around to face her visitors.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Batman and this is my sidekick, Robin." said Fox sarcastically.

"Does that mean you're here to save us?" asked Belina.

"Sort of. I'm here to get the spell stone so I can get the planet back together so I can get paid." replied Fox.

Belina's expression changed to one of hope.

"Did my father send you?" she asked.

Fox thought back to Gerunda who had been flattened by his arwing.

"Err…yeah, we'll go with that. But he also mentioned that you gave Scales the spell stone despite him being clearly outnumbered. Now why would you do something like that?" asked Fox.

"Well…Scales seemed like a pretty hawt guy, and he told me that if I got him the spell stone, then he'd go out with me to the prom." said Belina, blushing.

"Oh brother." said Tricky.

"_Wow, if even Tricky can see how ridiculous that is, Belina must be pretty retarded."_ thought Fox.

"Let me guess," said Fox, "He took the spell stone and then locked you up."

"Actually, he went out with me." said Belina.

This bit of information made Fox's ears perk up.

"It was what happened the day after that made him toss me in here." continued Bulimia.

(flashback)

(We see Scales riding in the back of a car holding an ice cream cone that is melting all over him)

"_THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I GOT FUCKED BY DAIRY QUEEN!!!" shouted Scales._

(flashback ends)

"And THAT is how chimpanzees reproduce." said Belina.

"I see." replied Fox, sitting in a theater seat and eating a bucket of popcorn. "You gave up your family stone so the head of an enemy tribe would go out with you…that makes sense."

At this, Belina glared at Fox.

"Okay fine, I did what I did because I'm a Patriot…as in New England Patriot…I'm their new quarterback next season. HIKE!!!"

Bulimia charged through her cell wall, another wall, a safe door, and a hello kitty store.

"Well I didn't think it was possible, but she broke the fourth wall." said Fox looking at the gaping hole and all the trampled audience members on the other side.

"Hey Fox, look. I found another hole." said Tricky.

"Lead the way." replied Fox.

The shortcut they took led straight to a room that was frozen solid, despite being right next to a cave full of lava.

"When you said fourth wall, you weren't kidding." said Tricky. "It's like we've gone into another dimension or something."

"And we have Nintendo to thank for that." muttered Fox.

After swimming up a frozen waterfall and going through another lava filled cave with more pointless fire traps, Fox found the warp point that took him to a cave with an ice sculpture shaped like a dino/insect hybrid. The fact that it was the boss of this level was revealed by the spell stone it held in it's frozen hand. Not wanting to face the monster after it thawed, Fox leveled his Magnum at the center of the beast.

"Hasta la vista…Babay." said Fox in a heavy Austrian accent before he finally pulled the trigger.

The bullet left the chamber in a blaze of glory, soared across the room, and smashed through the target, shattering it into a million microscopic pieces.

"That's one ice sculpture that won't be getting any awards." laughed Fox as he picked up the spell stone and put it in his back pocket.

"Hold on, I gotta fart." said Tricky lifting his leg.

"NO DON'T-" shouted Fox, but he was too late.

WOOOOOOOOOMP!

A huge flame shot out of Tricky's backside and melted the pieces of the monster, which then started sliding back together until they formed a large puddle which slowly took form until a big blob rose into the air and began solidifying into a big blue creature with two white eyes that shifted from side to side. Fox and Tricky stared in horror as it opened it's big, gaping mouth and spoke:

"Now what starts with da letter C?"

"Cookie Monster!" hissed Fox.

It turned it's gaze toward Fox.

"COOKIE STARTS WITH C!!!"

Fox turned and ran before Cookie Monster could even think about chasing him.

"C IS FOR COOKIE! THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!" shouted Cookie Monster, his arms reaching out to grab Fox as he ran after him.

"I'M NOT A DAMN COOKIE!!!" shouted Fox.

Then he turned around, pulled out his staff, and brought it down on Cookie Moron's head and roundhouse kicked him across the room. The blue blob pulled himself back up.

"What else has da letter C in it?…ROCK HAS C IN IT!!!" shouted Cookie Monster as he grabbed a stone and chunked it at Fox who blocked it with his reflector shield, sending it back at Cookie Monster who morphed out of the way. He then took a deep breath and vomited a load of cookies at Fox, with the force of a freight train, but Fox also reflected those back at CM, who became angry and ran at Fox.

"COOOOOOKIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!1one11eleven" shouted Cookie Monster.

"KAMEHAMEHA!" shouted Tricky, firing another flame out his ass which incinerated Cookie Monster.

Fox let out a whoop, but then he saw movement coming from the pile of ashes and realized Cookie Monster was regenerating. He reached into the arab bag strapped to his belt, pulled out a bearded midget, and ran full speed at the reforming blob. Cookie Monster restructured himself and was about to get back up when Fox came out of nowhere, jumped on top of him, pinned him down by standing on him, unloaded his magnum into Cookie Monster's face, then rammed the terrorist down Cookie Monster's throat and ran like hell while Cookie Monster's remains disappeared in a brilliant fireball.

"Well...that was some fight, huh?" said Tricky, grinning stupidly as Fox walked up to him angrily.

"Aw shit."

Fox punched Tricky through the ceiling.

"KEEP YOUR FARTS TO YOURSELF!!!" he shouted.

_Spongebob Narrator: 20 minutes later_

Fox, Tricky, and Belina took the back exit and came out of a hut in the middle of a camp full of mammoths that were cuffed to posts. Fox used his magnum to blow the locks off the cuffs.

"Thank you for freeing my people, Mr. Batman." said Bulimia.

"Err yeah, no problem. Now would anyone mind telling me where all the sharpclaw went?" asked Fox.

A mammoth turned to Fox and spoke.

"Everyone was minding their own when this big fighter jet came out of nowhere and blew up the snow fort nearby. It was AWESOME!…but then the sharpclaw sent a scout to check out the remains and he came back saying the jet had landed in the middle of the crater, but there was no one inside it, so they all decided to go take it for a joyride while they left us here tied up."

Fox's eyes grew to saucers.

"I already rigged the fighter. If they mess with it, then-"

But before he could finish, everyone was blinded by a bright flash off in the distance.

"_WHAT THE FU- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM! HAHAHAHAHA! EHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

**Review Time! :D**


	9. Force Point Fire

The private jet landed and Fox stepped out, soaking up the warmth of the tropical landscape and breathed in the salty smell of the nearby ocean, but that wasn't the only thing he was looking forward to. Standing not 10 feet away was a beautiful blue vixen wearing a skimpy tribal outfit and a flower necklace.

He casually strolled up to her and romantically said "Take my bags up to my room, I might be a while."

"Oh you are so romantic...I want to have your children." said Krystal monotonously.

"Pucker up, baby." said Fox, sweeping the vixen off her feet and claiming her mouth with his own.

(...)

Fox's eyes opened.

"I just had the most wonderful dream." he yawned.

"You do know we're still flying, right?" asked Tricky.

"WHOA!" shouted Fox as his arwing plowed into the middle of thorntail hollow.

"He's back." said a thorntail casually.

Two sharpclaw cautiously approached the wrecked plane/spaceship/gnome/etc, checking for signs of life from the object when the windhsield blew off the cockpit and crushed one of the sharpclaw. The other was too shawked to notice a Desert Eagle emerging from the smoking cockpit and was blown to bits, never knowing what hit him.

Fox McCloud jumped out of the cockpit and landed on on his feet. After checking for hostiles and finding none, he slid his now uncocked magnum back into his hip holster.

He wasn't sure where he was supposed to take the spell stone, so he headed over to the nearest thorntail who, unfortunately, was having a bitch fit.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! WHY IS THE LIGHT GONE? waaahed the reptile.

"Would you like some cries with that waaahhmburger?" asked Fox casually.

Then Tricky jumped out of the arwing wreckage and ran up to his furry master.

"Don't be so heartless, Fox. This guy looks distressed. He could have lost a dear friend to a sharpclaw attack for all we know. :O" said Tricky.

"Kay, fine." said Fox, turning back to the weeping cold blood. "What seems to be the matter, my good friend?"

It took the big guy a few moments to regain his composure, but finally, he was able to speak.

"The...the sharpclaw came while you were away...and they put out all our nightlights. We're scared of the dark. :,(" whimpered the dino.

Fox just stared at him like o_O

"You do realize it's the middle of the day, right?" he asked, glancing up at the sun.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THEY STOLE OUR NIGHTLIGHTS! I GO CUT MY WRISTS NOW!" shouted the thorntail who went into emo form.

Fox fell over laughing.

"Fox, stop laughing!" said Slippy through Fox's com.

(Three months later)

Fox finally stopped laughing and got back up, only to be greeted by another hologram of Slippy.

"Hey, didn't I destroy you in chapter 7?" asked Fox.

"Yes," replied the Frog Princess "but while you were laughing, I built another one. Now we can be together...FO-EVA!"

Fox ran away screaming, but since he didn't look where he was going, he ran into a wall, which fell apart and he found himself inside another passageway.

"Well that was convenient" said Fox, walking through the passageway.

He got to the center of the room when Tricky came skipping in after him, but since the dino was so heavy, the floor cracked and collapsed. Fox screamed as he fell, but as he descended further, he noticed his voice getting more high pitched until he sounded like he was breathing helium. Fox would have wondered what was causing this, but the gassy hue surrounding him confirmed his helium theory.

They came to a dead stop above a conveniently placed fan with an even moar conveniently placed doorway right next to them, with a big neon _exit_ sign mounted over it.

"Help me!" shouted a girl behind Fox.

The vulpine turned around to see that it was only Tricky on helium.

"Screw you, ya fat lard. You got me into this mess by being so feakin heavy." squeaked Fox, giving Tricky the finger.

"Stop fighting!" squeaked holo Slippy.

This gave Fox an idea.

"Yeah, we shouldn't be fighting, we should talk things over...you talk it out with Slippy while I go make sure it's safe ahead." squeaked Fox, cleverly leaving the two behind as he 'swam' up to the top where he found himself at the base of a long hill.

"Attack!" he shouted, charging up the hill.

A moment later...

"Run away!" he shouted, running back down the hill, chased by dozens of barrels rolling down after him.

He rolled behind a boulder (which was also conveniently placed) and pulled out his Hi-Def Display Device (HDDD) and got a good look at where the barrels were coming from.

At the top of the hill stood a lincoln log fort. In it were three sharpclaw, one regular, one fat, and one huge.

"Hahahahaha, didja see the way that foxy ran?" laughed the regular one.

"Soy-tainly. They sure are fast like everyone says. NYUK NYUK NYUK." laughed the fat one.

Then the big one walked up and slapped the other two in one swipe.

"Shaddap and get back ta work!" snapped the big guy, then turning and walking to the back room.

"Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop!" squealed the fat one, running his hands down his face repeatedly.

Hearing all this through his display device (they call it high-def for a reason) Fox put the device away and said "Screw it, I don't have to take this."

He switched to his com.

"Peppy, I need a laser strike on the Moon Pass fort." he said.

The old hare responded surprisingly quick.

"Sure thing Fox. Stand back."

A moment later, several beams of light rained from the heavens and obliterated the guard post atop the hill, sending lincoln logs everywhere.

"Thanks, old timer." thanked the Vulpine.

"Watch it, I'm not _that_ old, my fur's just lightly...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" snored the old rabbit.

Fox continued jogging up the hill and ran over the crater where the fort once stood and continued running until he reached a brightly lit entrance to some fiery place made of bricks, and after jumping over moar pointless lava pits and running up a conveyor belt while dodging barrels thrown down at him by a giant ape wearing a red tie, Fox made it to a bridge with a gate blocking his path.

"Any idea how I'm supposed to get past this?" asked Fox to no one in particular.

"Use the spellstone." said Tricky who came out of nowhere.

"GAH! Where did you come from?" shouted a startled Fox.

"Even I can't figure it out." shrugged the confused midget.

Fox held out the spellstone in front of the gate and it rotated until it was no longer blocking him. But instead of proceeding, Fox turned toward Tricky.

"What exactly are these traps for, anyway?" he asked.

"To keep out intruders." replied the Dino.

"Doesn't that seem a little redundant, given that all these places have already been broken into and I'm currently trying to bring the stones back to keep your planet from exploding?" asked Fox.

Tricky just shrugged. "I'm not the one who designed this place."

"Fair enough." muttered Fox as he continued on...only to find an old dinosaur similar to the shopkeeper blocking his path, though he did have a beard, the one thing the shopkeeper did not have.

"Stop!" said the old reptile.

"Care to move out of the way? I'm trying to save the world." asked Fox, annoyed.

The old dino grinned at him.

"Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three."

Fox pressed a button on his wrist PDA and Slippy's hologram appeared in front of him.

"Slippy, do ya got anything on this old codger?" he asked.

"I'll check it out." said Slippy, moving the hologram toward the shop keeper look-alike.

"What is your name?" scraggled the old reptile.

"Slippy Toad." replied the frog.

"What is your favorite color?" asked the old dino.

"Green, of course." answered Slip.

"What is your quest?" hacked the cold blood.

"To help Fox make love to me...I MEAN SAVE THE PLANET!" squealed the frog, but it was too late and the hologram got tossed over the bridge and into the lava (much to Fox's delight).

"Pffft, that's easy." said Tricky, skipping forward.

Fox sure hoped so.

"Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three."

"Go ahead." said Tricky unenthusiastically.

"What is your name?"

"Prince Tricky." came the reply.

"What is your quest?"

"To find the magic happy tree that grants wishes! :D" said Tricky excitedly.

Fox kicked him into the lava himself, and then stepped forward.

"Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three. Er the other side, ye see."

"Out with it, geezer." demanded Fox impatiently.

"What is your name?"

"I'm the Bawse!" said Fox, pointing to his chest with his thumb.

"What is your favorite color?"

"Black." said Fox flatly. "As in _Black_ Op."

"What...is the average velocity of an arwing?" asked the old dino suddenly.

Fox thought about it for a moment before replying.

"What do you mean? Starfox 64 or Starfox Adventures?"

The old lizard was stunned.

"I...I don't know that." he said nervously.

Fox quickly pulled the old man's underwear up over his head and booted him into the lava.

Like a Bawse. :D

Fox was about to proceed when he noticed one minor problem: he was at a dead end. The door in front of him was locked in too many places to count and looked too heavy for anything he was carrying.

"And just how am I supposed to save the world when everything is locked down despite already being broken into?" shouted Fox angrily.

He turned to leave, but came face to face with pure evil:

"Hey, Fox." said Tricky.

Fox screamed at the sky until lighting came out of it, then reached into his Arab bag and stuffed a suicidal midget into Tricky's mouth, and ran all the way back to Thorntail Hollow while Tricky's head exploded. He stopped to catch his breath near the creek in the middle of the hollow.

_Now to get something to break down those doors with._

He headed over to the shop, carrying a Texas-sized bag full of scarabs, and barely managed to squeeze through the doorway.

Upon seeing the money bag Fox was dragging in, the shopkeeper floated up to him and gave a slightly different greeting.

"WELCOME!" he said with a slight British accent as he pulled open his coat, revealing some rather beefy looking guns.

Fox went O_O

"Whaddya buyin, stranga?" asked the now english accented shopkeeper.

Fox looked at the selection of weapons and was pleasantly surprised by what he saw:

The first was some kind of assault rifle that looked alot like a Belgian F2000, but with an ammo counter in place of the gun sight.

"What weapon is this?" he asked, pointing to the rifle.

"The choice of an avid gun collector...it's a noyce gun, stranga." beamed the shopkeeper proudly.

Fox squinted at the logo on the side of the rifle and noticed it read _UNSC MA37_. Fox didn't know what UNSC meant, but he knew the shopkeeper could have just told him the name of the freakin weapon. :P

He looked at the next one, which was a revolver, but the barrel was aiming backward so that whoever pulled the trigger wouldn't be so lucky.

"What kind of revolver is that?" asked Fox.

"Ah, it's the new government approved _Roulette Revolver_ for civilian use...the government banned all other firearms, but they allowed this one." explained the shopkeeper.

"And who is in charge of the government?" asked Fox.

"General Scales, of course." said the shopkeeper.

"That explains alot. :P" muttered Fox.

He then noticed a BIGASS shoulder mounted gun.

"What does that thing do?" asked Fox, pointing at the weapon.

"Stranga, STRANGA...now THAT's a weapon." smiled the shopkeeper. "It's called the _Fatman_ and it launches mini nukes, via catapult."

"Via what?" asked Fox.

"Ah'll show ya how it works." explained the shopkeeper, heading outside where he aimed the Fatman at the emo thorntail and pulled the trigger.

A big rubber band snapped and a small object resembling a rocket ball flew out and zoomed at the doomed reptile. Fox was immediately blinded by a bright flash, followed by a miniature mushroom cloud (that's _miniature_ by nuclear standards, which means this explosion still took roughly half the hollow with it).

That was all Fox needed to see.

"I'll take it. 8D" he said, shoving the bag of scarabs toward the shopkeeper.

"Ah see you have an eye fo things." said the shopkeeper, handing Fox the launcher and a single nuke round. "Gun's not just about shootin, it's about reloadin. You'll know what ah'm talkin about."

Fox wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he wasn't gonna wait to test out his new toy. He ran all the way back to the Volcano Temple and stopped at the bridge, ready to see a nuke explosion up close. He was so excited that he didn't notice Tricky jumping out of nowhere.

"Hey Fox." said Tricky, no indication that he even remembered being blown up only a few minutes before.

"Not now, kid, I'm breaking and entering." said Fox, shoving the mini nuke inside the Fatman.

"How are you gonna do that?" asked Tricky?

"By huffing, puffing, and blowing those doors away." said Fox proudly as he aimed the launcher.

"But Fox, you shouldn't do that! :O" cautioned Tricky.

"I don't give a dead moose's last shit." said Fox, firing the nuke round at the large double doors.

A bright flash and a mushroom later, a gaping hole was all that remained where the doors once stood.

Fox's joy lasted a grand total of 4 seconds.

"I meant you shouldn't do that because all you had to do was use the spellstone to unlock the doors." said Tricky.

Fox just stared at where the door once stood.

"DICKWEED FAG COOKIES!" he shouted, charging into the room, magnum drawn.

But when he got in, all he found was another door that was locked by some force field with a bunch of skulls spinning around on it.

"What the hell does this mean?" asked Fox.

"I think that means you still have some enemies in this room to defeat." said Tricky.

"No problem. Let me at em." said Fox, readying his weapon.

Several Doom 3 Hell Knights appeared out of thin air right in front of Fox, as if the temple wasn't hellish enough already.

"Is it too late to be friends? ^^;" asked Fox, sweatdropping.

All four Hell Knights threw green plasma balls at Fox who jumped out of the way just in time.

He rolled behind a pillar and fired back at the Hell Knights, hitting each of them in the face. They blinked.

So even his magnum was ineffective.

_Great, four dudes as badass as I am, except they're bigger and there are more of them than me...which means more awesomness than me, and I can't live with that._ thought Fox with great sadness.

"Hey Fox." said Tricky stupidly.

Fox got an idea.

_Gun's not just about shootin, it's about reloadin..._

He grabbed Tricky and shoved him into the Fatman and jumped out from behind cover.

"Here boys, dinner is served." he said.

The Hell Knights turned to look at him, and he launched Tricky over the lava bridge, and all four Hell Knights jumped in after their food.

The door unlocked and Fox ran through.

"Whaddya know? The shopkeeper sold me something useful for once. :)" said Fox as he continued on his quest...the quest for the Holy Grail!

**Three cheers for Andy Samberg and Monty Python for teh references...NOW READ AND REVIEW! I'm already low on funny juice, so it wasn't easy putting that chapter together. Also, the MA37 is the super cool assault rifle that will be used in Halo Reach. :D**


	10. Mooned

**Here's my Christmas present to you guys. Merry Christmas! :D**

**(And if you're offended by the word _Christ_mas, feel free to click the _back_ button, whiner.)**

After plowing through randomnly appearing Sharpclaw, monstrous hellknights, and solving pointless zelda style dundgeon puzzles involving torches, floating platforms, and dancing squirrels, Fox made it to a big room filled with lava that served no other purpose than to emphasize the fact that this was a FIRE TEMPLE! And the only thing moar pointless than that was that parts of the ring like platform in the room had been conveniently broken off, forcing Fox to go around to the other side in a complicated pattern.

"I CAN HAZ FOX!" cackled a lolbat, swooping down to bite Fox's ears.

"Screw it!" said Fox, running along the giant rubber ring.

His speed didn't do didley squat, however, as the bat simply hovered over Fox as if tied to him with a string.

"Owowowowowowowowowow. ow'd Fox as he tried to swat the flying pest off himself, but to no avail.

"THAT'S IT!" he shouted.

He turned around to grab the bat so he could snap its neck, empty his magnum into it, then throw it into the lava below, but as soon as his hand made contact with the thing, it vanished in a bright flash of light.

"How is that even possible?" asked Fox.

As if to answer him, Peppy's hologram appeared in front of him.

"Fox, I just figured out something: According to the ancient records of this planet, there's magic deep inside it."

"Now there are records of this planet? I thought it was previously undiscovered. What records are you reading from?" assked Fox.

"Well the title reads _Starfox Adventures Script_, but it seems to have been written with crayons, and I keep seeing triforce symbols scribbled all over it," replied Peppy.

That would explain the horrible zelda plot the game had, but if that jazz about magic was true, then it would also explain why some creatures disappeared in bright flashes everytime he killed them.

"It also says that the magic inside the planet continually pushes outward, attempting to rip the world apart," continued Peppy.

"Seriously? Dang, what does the ricter scale for this planet say?" asked Fox.

"OVER 9000!" shouted Peppy, his ears suddenly becoming erect and bright yellow.

"Alright old man, don't blow a fuse," replied Fox, "Just tell me what I need to do to keep this planet from going super emo."

"Well, personally, I think you should go get all the spell stones and place them on the pedestal here in the temple so that it will put the magic back to sleep and the planet won't blow chunks...I also think that Jessica Simpson should do a live album, that Janet Napolitano is hot, and that the stimulus bill worked," said Peppy.

"How could you possibly be attracted to that woman?" asked Fox, "She looks just like you."

"You calling me ugly? I'LL KICK YOU IN THE NUUUUUUUTS!" shouted Pepsy.

The rabbit's image vanished and Fox continued to the main room, but on the way there, Tricky got scared of the lava hopscotch and pussied out while Fox continued to the teleporter where he was warped to a room with a vase like pedestal connected to four intersecting walkways over a sea of MOAR pointless lava. DX

"Ugh! Did somebody fart in here?" asked Fox, covering his nose from the fumes coming up through the vase thingy.

He placed the spell stone over the slot in front of him and waited. Only one of the fumes stopped flowing.

"Okay...now what?" asked Fox impatiently to no one in particular.

After waiting for a good 10 seconds, Fox finally pressed the pause button and went to Slippy's channel.

"Slippy, any idea what I'm supposed to do?" asked Fox.

"Fly through a gold riiiiiinnnng."said Slippy monotonously.

Fox switched to Peppy's channel.

"Peppy, how do I get the other spellstones?" asked Fox.

"Do a Barrell Roll!" ordered Peppy.

Fox switched to General Pepper's com channel, hoping that at least _he_ would be sane.

"Pepper, any idea where the other spellstones are?" asked Fox.

"Great job, Fox. Keep up the good work!" said Pepper.

Fox just stared at him for a moment.

"Is that all you had to say?" he asked.

"Pretty much. I don't have alot of dialogue," replied Pepper.

"That would explain why he never says anything useful," groaned Fox, switching over to ROB.

"ROB, where are the spellstones?"

Instead of ROB, however, he was greeted by the image of a red haired man in a tux, dancing around a white room, holding a microphone.

"We're no strangers to love, you know the rules, and so do I..." he sang.

"NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!" roared Fox, switching off his com and racing back to the teleporter.

He found himself right outside the volcano temple where he'd tossed the old dinosaur off the lava bridge. He also noticed Tricky standing around, staring off into space as grool puddled around his feet. Fox wasn't sure how he got out here so quickly, but he had to admire his speed. He also needed to know how he did it.

"How'd you end up out here?" asked Fox.

"Bright lights," mumbled Tricky, "Then there were these weird green guys with probes...and then I found myself back here..."

"I don't wanna know," replied Fox, then jogged back toward the hollow.

On his way down through the moon mountain pass, however, he heard something very strange.

"OOOOOHHHH!" moaned a female voice that sounded less than alive.

"Aw shit, I knew the T-Virus would make it all the way out here someday! D:" said Fox.

"You afraid of Zombies?" asked Tricky.

"No, I'm afraid that Alice will come here and ruin my series like she did the Resident Evil one...as if mine didn't suck enough already," grumbled Fox.

"That wasn't a zombie, mortal, that was the Cerinian Princess," exclaimed a Krazoa appearing before Fox.

"What is it with video games and princesses, these days? Couldn't she have just been a regular surviving cerinian standing up to Scales?" asked Fox.

"No! She absitively posolutely HAS to be a princess!" declared the Krazoa spirit, "You must continue what she started!"

"YES! FASTER! FASTER!" shouted that same female voice.

"I don't want to know what she started, XP" replied Fox, plugging his ears.

"Err, I meant that you need to find the other Krazoa and bring them to the Krazoa Palace," replied the Spirit.

"Speaking of which, how many more spellstones are there?" asked Fox.

"The answer is hidden, grasshopper," replied the spirit, sitting in a meditating position.

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT HORSE SHIT! JUST TELL ME HOW MANY MORE OF THOSE DAMN STONES I HAVE TO FIND!" shouted Fox, the skin under the fur on his face visibly red.

"Kay, fine, there's three more, sheesh," sheeshed the spirit.

"Was a straight answer really so hard?" asked Fox.

"Of course it is! I'm a spirit, and am therefore programmed to speak in poetic linguistics so that I sound smart," replied the spirit.

"You sound like you don't know anything and are trying to cover it up," replied Fox flatly.

"And it's all thanks to Nintendo...now kill this Sarlac Pit Frog and go climb up a vine," said the spirit, disappearing.

With that, a frog like creature with crab claws appeared out of a pit beside Fox and made hocking sounds. Fox tried to drive his dagger through the creature's eye, but was blocked by a flashing energy shield.

"What is that thing?" he asked.

"That is an energy shield," stated Tricky, matter-of-factly.

"I know that, I meant the frog creature," said Fox.

"Oh, that's a moon monster. You need to get it to turn around so you can hit its weakpoint to get a moonseed, which grows into a vine that you can use to climb up walls, but in order for it to work, you need to light the seed on fire so that you can climb its vine up the wall beside you so you can run through a dangerous canyon filled with even MOAR moon monsters and lolbats," explained Tricky.

"Oh screw this," said Fox, dialing up ROB's number.

"ROB, warp me my Arwing," ordered Fox.

"_Location confirmed! Sending Supplies!_" buzzed ROB monotonously.

An arwing fell out of the sky and landed on top of the moon monster, making a lovely squishing sound.

Fox climbed into the cock pit.

"Wait! You have to use the moonseed to get across Moon Pass!" shouted Tricky.

"I'm not just gonna get across it, I'M GONNA DO A BARREL ROLL OVER IT!" shouted back Fox.

(Product placement add)

Barrell Rolls! Part of this obnoxiously dumb breakfast! :D

(Back to Fox)

The Vulpine took off and flew over the moon like canyon, dropping several WTF Bombs along the way, just to make it more moon like. The sound of several WTF Bombs going off in rapid succession must have sounded really confusing to anyone within hearing range.

"YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWW!" whooped Fox, waving a cowboy hat in his hand.

He continued soaring over the canyon until he saw the warp point that would take him to the Krazoa and parachuted down to it while his Arwing crashed into a rock, making a TOTALLY AWESOME FIREBALL!

Fox then stepped onto the warp rock and poofed out of existence. He found himself spinning and tumbling around in a black void dotted with gay ass fairies until he finally landed in some stone room with no doors, no windows, and only a ladder for climbing out of it, which Fox did, and soon found himself with something that made his fur stand up.

"Wait up, Fox!" said Tricky, charging at said vulpine.

Fox put up his staff shield just as Tricky leapt at him. The shield caused him to bounce off and roll several feet before he got back up. Fox then went through a dungeon full of booby traps that were so easy he didn't even notice them (and therefore, won't be mentioned again), and finally entered a large room with a floating purple head in the middle of it. Tricky was awed by the spectacle.

"Wow mister, who are you?" he asked.

"I am the head of common mockery. I will grant you three wishes," boomed the Krazoa.

"Whoa! Is that true? Are you really gonna grant me three wishes? :D" asked Tricky, excitedly.

"No," replied the spirit, "my real purpose here is to FIRE MAH LASER! BWAAAAAAAHHH!"

**I feel obligated to give credit to Hanser68 from Youtube for the Barrell Roll commercial. ;)**


	11. Retro Future

**I was getting tired of Tricky and decided to replace him with someone a bit more useful. ;)**

Fox could not believe his eyes. This spirit thing he was supposed to find had just vaporized Tricky. He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the pressure in his head lighten substantially, making his migraine disappear.

"Climb inside before he comes back!" ordered Fox.

The spirit shot forward and knocked Fox back. The vulpine thought he was about to fall on his ass, but was relieved when he gently floated to the floor.

"Now that Trickster is gone, I can get some peace and quiet," Fox said to himself as he turned around to leave.

"Yup, now it's just you and me, :B" said the spirit inside Fox's head.

"Oh hell no! DX" shouted Fox.

He ran back down Moon Mountain Pass as fast as he could, the entire time arguing with the voice in his head.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"NO! DX"

Fox finally reached the Hollow and ran over to the warp stone, only to discover a smoking crater.

"Holy Bumblebees on a body board! Where'd the warp stone go? D:" shouted Fox.

His hologram floated up beside him and an image of of Slippy appeared.

"He's dead, Fox. You had me blow him up in chapter 4 for being retarded. Remember?"

The fiery vulpine scratched his head upon hearing this.

"I do now, but for a moment I could have sworn it slipped my mind."

"Odd," replied Slippy, "Well anywho, just hold still and I'll have you to Krazoa Palace in no time."

"You can't defy this fiction's summary, it says you're useless! :O" snapped Fox.

"Would you rather I let Rob handle it?" asked the frog.

Fox thought about it for a moment and decided that getting rick rolled again wasn't worth the risk.

"Alright, juice me!" he said, standing straight.

A beam of light shot down and zapped Fox, sending him through the fairy universe again before he appeared on a metal platform connected to a huge ass palace suspended over nothing in the middle of a heavy rainstorm. Fox looked over the edge and only saw more rainclouds. There didn't even seem to be anything underneath the palace itself, only rainclouds, which pretty much left the palace suspended in the endless storm over nothing.

"And whose brilliant idea was this part of the game?" asked Fox in frustration.

Recieving no response- much to his relief- Fox ran toward the entrance of the palace, but just as he got there, a brilliant white ball of light appeared in front of him. Fox was instantly blinded and could hear electricity crackling. The sudden burst of energy had blinded and confused him, leaving him with just enough sense to stagger backward. Unfortunately, he went too far and fell over the edge, plummeting through the rain clouds to certain doom.

(Down below)

Two sharpclaw are standing in a doorway. One is pointing to a trampoline the other has set up in front of the door.

"For the last time, we did not order a giant trampoline!" he argued.

Just then, a red fox fell out of the sky and hit the trampoline which sent him flying back up into the sky as fast as he'd fallen from it.

(Krazoa Palace)

The bright light subsided and a blue male fox fell out of the warp hole as it faded and landed on his feet, but the transition had taken so much out of him that he collapsed on his back and laid there for a moment, regaining his bearings. As he laid there wondering how he got to a rainy palace like structure, he felt a slight chill, and upon shifting slightly, realized his fur was damp. He sat up and looked down at himself and found out why.

"Where'd my clothes go? D:" he shouted out loud.

Right about then, he heard someone shouting and looked to his right, over the platform, to see an orange fox fly up past him screaming. The other fox then began to fall down again, but slightly to the left, which thankfully landed him on the platform he'd fallen off of. unfortunately, this also landed him on top of the naked blue fox. The last thing the blue male saw was a red fox coming down on him, followed by a burst of stars. He came to a few seconds later, just as Fox was also regaining his senses, only for them both to discover that their lips were pressed together.

"ACK!" they both shouted, scooting away from eachother and spitting out any trace of the crime.

"Okay, who the hell are you and why are you nude?" asked Fox.

The blue fox was curled up in a ball, trying to stay warm in the freezing rain, but his fur wasn't much use when it was soaked.

"I was testing my s-ship's warp function on my new power armor and, s-somehow, I wound up here without it. I dunno." he stuttered, the chill making him shiver.

Fox noticed the blue male's voice resembled his, but it was slightly deeper, which didn't surprise him since the blue fox looked to be an inch or two taller than him and looked like the after picture in an extreme fitness magazine, which did make him somewhat intimidating, so Fox kept his hand on his gun in case the big guy got ballsy enough to charge him as he inquired about the power armor he'd mentioned

"You mean like those gundam models the Venomians used in the Battle for Sector Y?"

"No, I mean the new Knight Class Nano suit. It hardens when bullets hit it and has a built in reflector shield for energy weapons. Safe as a castle, and light as pajamas," the blue fox replied.

Fox stared at him not knowing what to say.

"What time period are you from?" asked the blue male sarcastically, "Everyone's known about it since mercenaries started using it two years ago."

Either Fox had been living under a rock for the past 24 months or this guy was some kind of government black op from an experiment gone wrong and mistakenly believed everyone knew about whatever he was inolved in. Either way, Fox had a more pressing question.

"How'd you know I was a mercenary?" he asked.

"I highly doubt you're just a tourist packing that piece on your hip for protection, and you don't look like a guard so...wait, you're not a gang member are you?" asked the blue fox.

Fox rolled his eyes.

"I don't even know where to start with you. I mean...do you even know who you're talking to?" he asked.

The blue fox studied him for a moment.

_"I must really be losing my touch if a bigshot like this guy doesn't even know who I am when most guys would be climbing over eachother to get an autograph from the guy this blue balled nothing is trying to remember."_ thought Fox.

"Do you...do you have any idea who I am?" he asked redundantly.

"Is it that big a deal?" asked blue boy, still curled up in a wet ball.

"Basically, _kind of_ a big deal," affirmed Fox, his hands on his hips in an attempt to look inimidating, though his now purple eyes did a better job at that.

Fox stuck out three fingers on his right hand as he counted off several "important" points:

"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother...I hurt people. If you were from where I was from, you'd be f(bleep)ing dead!"

"Sorry, I still don't know where you're from, though you do look somewhat familiar," replied the blue fox.

Fox's eye twitched.

"Why didn't you just say so?" he asked incredulously.

"Cuz you'd start dicking at me if I said who I thought you were, like you are now," growled the blue male.

"Alright fine, who do I look like?" asked Fox as he leaned against the doorway of the palace, arms crossed.

"You look...like my dad," explained the blue vulpine, "but he's been dead for 14 years."

That changed the entire conversation. Now Fox felt like a dick. Here he was snapping at a guy for not recognizing him when he was probably just having a nostalgia trip.

"Err...sorry about that. I lost my own dad 11 years ago, so I kinda know what it feels like," replied Fox, his eyes closed from the reality he'd been wanting to escape for so long.

"What was his name?" asked the blue fox, whose shivering had ceased.

"James," replied Fox flatly, his eyes still closed.

"My grandpa had a name like that, too, but he died before I was born, so I never knew him," said the blue vulpine.

"Heh, coincidence," chuckled Fox, "My dad and your grandpa both have the same first names. What was your grandfather's last name?"

"McCloud. His full name was James McCloud."

Fox's eyes shot open.

"But that was my dad's full name. You sure your gandpa didn't have a middle name?" he asked.

"No, just James McCloud," the blue fox replied.

This was confusing the hell out of Fox. How could two James McClouds exist with the exact same name? Legally, if two people had the same name, one needed to add in a middle name to avoid confusion. But that wasn't what was tugging at Fox's mind...

"If James McCloud is your grandfather...what was your dad's name?" he asked.

"My dad's name was Fox McCloud, but like I said, he's been dead since I was 10. You looked so much like I remember him that, for a moment, I wasn't sure if you were him or not," replied the blue fox, looking away.

Fox remained silent as he tried to figure out how to respond. Was this some kind of joke? If so, then this guy would have to go to great pains just to do that earlier light show, which he had to admit was quite impressive, assuming it was fake.

Hearing no response, the blue vulpine threw his head back in frustration.

"My dad dies, my mom gets depressed and follows him to the grave, I get left by myself and have to sneak around everywhere I go because everyone wants to kill me and I finally learn to use my parents' weapons and equipment, only to screw up the warp function and wind up here on this backwater planet without any of it, and you're probably gonna cash in on my bounty anyway, so if you're going to kill me or hand me over, just don't tell anyone how I wound up here," lamented the blue furred lylation.

Hearing this, something clicked in Fox's mind.

"James...Fox...look familiar...nano armor...warp function...no armor...time period- wait, what year is it?" asked Fox.

The blue vulpine stared at him in confusion, but not being able to think up anything sarcastic, simply replied "2132."

The pieces of the puzzle were sliding into place. Only one thing was left.

"You're wrong. The year is 2105." said Fox matter-of-factly.

The blue fox stared in confusion.

"You said I look like Fox McCloud, right?" asked Fox.

The blue male nodded.

"That's my name," continued Fox.

The blue fox was about to ask what he was talking about when Fox pulled his dog tags out of his shirt and handed them to the young man who looked at them for a moment before looking up at Fox again.

"Dad?" he asked, wide eyed.

Fox still wasn't convinced that this guy was from the future since it would take more than a cheap light show to prove that. Still, he thought it would be best to get the guy's name.

"Would you mind letting me know who you are, at least?" he asked.

"The name's McCloud," replied the blue vulpine, "Marcus McCloud."


	12. Star Troll

**Hope you like the change I made from the game. I thought Marcus should have his own game, being a mercenary with telepathy, so much potential that will likely never be tapped…(sigh)…but since that's not gonna happen, I'll have to rely on fanfiction. That being said, I also didn't like how Marcus looked in Command and decided to give him a makeover. Here, he looks more like his mother, Krystal: same fur color, same hair style, same mind reading abilities, similar face, but unlike his mother, he's big and buff- way more than Fox- more like Chris Redfield if you've ever played RE5, so he's not totally girly. ^^; **

**I chose that look because I thought it would be an interesting switch from the usual, as we already have James and Fox looking identical, so what would be the point of having a third copy? Anywho, read on:**

At first, Marcus wasn't sure what to think. Could his power armor's warp malfunction really have sent him back in time to when his parents were still alive? Had he really been sent to a time period where he wasn't being hunted by every gun for hire in the system? Was he truly free of all the dangers he'd spent his entire life fleeing from?

"Fox? You alright?" asked Slippy's hologram, appearing beside the orange Vulpine.

Marcus stared at the hologram's face, instantly recognizing the frog it depicted, albeit much younger, and his voice much lighter, but it was still Slippy.

_'I really have gone back in time!'_ thought Marcus, tears of joy mixing with the raindrops cascading down his soaked face.

"Yeah I'm fine, but do ya think you could warp down an extra set of combat armor?" asked Fox, "Mine's drenched."

"You're the captain," replied Slippy.

Both vulpines waited a moment, but nothing happened.

"Slip? How's the armor coming?" asked Fox, tapping his comm.

"No good, the warp is bugging out because it can't seem to get a lock on you as long as you're in the palace. Must be the location of the palace on the planet that's interfering with the warp. Or perhaps it could be that magicmajig that Peppy mentioned. Either way, you'll have to tough it out until you put that ghost thing back where it belongs," said Slippy.

His ears drooping, Fox turned toward Marcus who was still huddled against the wall, and said to him, "Looks like we'll need to improvise until Slippy can get his crap working again."

"So where does that leave me?" asked Marcus, covering himself with his arms.

"I guess you can stay here or come inside to get out of the rain," replied Fox, looking away from the blue vulpine so he wouldn't be blinded by his anatomy as he got up and followed him.

On the way in, they shot several floating jellyfish that disappeared in bright flashes, just like the lolbats that attacked Fox's ears back in the lava room, but as soon as they entered the palace itself, 4 sharpclaw randomnly appeared out of sparkly bright flashes, in the same way the floating jellyfish disappeared.

"Whoa, when you said the designers screwed up the game, you weren't kidding," said Marcus, getting into a fighting stance while keeping his crotch covered with one hand.

"I thought me, Slip, and Pep were the only ones who knew about that," protested Fox, pulling out his staff and Desert Eagle, one in each hand.

"You told me when I was 6. Don't you remem- oh wait, I forgot I was in the past, :B" replied Marcus.

Before they could discuss that further, the sharpclaw charged at them. Fox shot the nearest one, then jumped out of the way of the sceond one as it lunged for him, and slashed at his neck with the sharp end of the staff. The other two came at Marcus. The first brought up his axe and swung it diagonally to the right, at a speed that even Fox wouldn't have been able to avoid, yet Marcus leaned to the right, just enough for the axe to swing harmlessly over his head, then brought his leg up and knocked the sharpclaw over, and whirled around in time for the other sharpclaw's sword to miss him as he attempted to stab the blue vulpine. As he whirled out of the way of the sword, Marcus used his free hand to scoop up the fallen Sharpclaw's axe and brought it back around and knocked the second dino's sword out of his hand, then swung the axe back at the sharpclaw, taking his head off. Marcus then was nearly deafened by a loud gunshot behind him and he turned around to see first sharpclaw to attack him falling down with a bullet hole in his side. Several feet away, Marcus saw his dad standing there holding a smoking magnum, smirking triumphantly. The deceased sharpclaw then vanished in a cloud of gay ass sparkles.

"That's my 3 to your 2," chuckled Fox.

"I got one, didn't I? And that was without so much as a shirt on my back," laughed Marcus.

"I guess you have a point, but what impressed me was how you handled those guys chargin you. How'd you do all that?" asked Fox.

For a moment, Marcus wasn't sure how to respond. This was the man who taught him how to fight when he was still a child. Had he known about Marcus being his son and all he woud teach him, he'd have been so proud of how far he'd come. For nearly a decade and a half, he'd been too busy surviving bounties placed on his head, his parents' untimely death haunting him the entire way, and after so many years of it, he'd thought he didn't have any tears left to cry. Yet, that little bit of praise from his own _living_ father touched him in a way he found harder to handle than combat trauma.

"I...had good teachers," said Marcus in a choked up voice, looking the other way so Fox wouldn't see the tears pouring down his face.

Going through the kind of hell he had for 14 years had hardened him, making him appear completely emotionless on the outside, so while he couldn't hold back the tears, he could easily sound like he was fine when he spoke, while keeping a good pokerface.

"And who were they?" asked Fox, wanting to know who could teach someone moves like that.

Marcus was hesitant to answer, as telling Fox that he'd been one of his teachers would likely get a skeptic reaction from him. Still, he couldn't think up a good cover story and he'd already told Fox he was his son anyway, so he might as well be honest.

"You and mom," replied Marcus.

Fox wasn't sure how to respond, as he still wasn't sure whether to believe this Marcus character was really from the future or not. But even so, he wondered who his wife would be, a question every man has asked himself since the dawn of time.

"And who is your mom?" he asked, nonchalantly.

"Her name is Krystal. She looks like a female version of me and you once said so yourself she was smokin hot. And if this is your first time going into the palace, I think this will also be the first time you meet her," said Marcus.

Now Fox wasn't sure he even _wanted_ to believe Marcus since he preferred that he not get too in-depth about his private life.

"This is also where you'll get the Krazoa Spirit out of you."

On the other hand, he couldn't wait to get that annoying voice out of his head.

"Yeah, where do I go for that, again?" he asked.

Marcus thought about that for a moment before replying "I think it's in the middle of the palace, where all the wind generators are."

"Lead the way," said Fox.

"I'd rather put something on before getting in front of you," said Marcus.

"Fine, just tell me where to go," replied Fox.

They went inside a dark room and stumbled around for a good 15 minutes before they finally discovered a doorway ont he other side of a wall/ramp. But for whatever reason, the door was sealed off.

"Does Nintendo ever get tired of sucking believability out of their own designs?" asked Fox, "No one I know of randomnly seals off a doorway like this...and if they did, I doubt they'd leave fiery deathtraps running on the other side."

"Got anything to break the door open with?" asked Marcus.

Fox checked for any spare grenades, but came up empty.

"Sorry, I'm out. And Slippy can't warp me anymoar because your warp must have jacked up the Great Fox's," he replied.

Marcus remembered seeing what looked like a fuel barrell outside.

"Hold on, I think there might be a way to get us in," he said running back outside.

He found the fuel barrell conveninetly placed right outside the palace, in the rain, so he picked it up, not knowing any better, and ran back inside. It was then that the nude Vulpine realized he had no way to cover his family jewels while carrying the barrell.

'Good thing it's pitch black in here," he thought as he carried the barrell along the ramp above the room, toward the sealed door.

"Oh, by the by, you might need this to see," said Fox, sending a firefly Marcus' way.

Alarmed at the sudden exposure, Marcus quickly covered himself. Unfortunately, this meant dropping the fuel barrell which lit up the entire room in a big fireball.

_'BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!'_

After Fox's eyes adjusted to the brightness, then to the dark once more, he saw a blackened fox covering his crotch, a very angry set of green eyes glaring back at him.

"Ah...sorry about that," said Fox sheepishly.

"You do that again, and I'm gonna bury you," threatened Marcus, shaking the ash out of his fur.

He ran back out in the rain and picked up another barrell and ran back inside, up the stairs and across the ramp. However, as he got closer to the sealed door, he heard a distinct beeping sound that got louder and faster as he ran. He was only a few yards from the door when the beeping got so fast that it almost sounded like a long, continous whine. That was when he noticed it coming from the barrell and lowered it to see a blinking red light that matched the beeping pattern. It didn't take Marcus long to put 2 and 2 together.

"_WHAT THE FUCK- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM! HAHAHAHAHA! EHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

Once again, Fox had to let his eyes adjust before he saw a blackened Marcus with his arms positioned like he was still holding the now non-existant barrell. Then he felt something in his back pocket and pulled it out.

"Oh wait, looks like I have a spare grenade after all," said Fox, a troll face appearing over his own.

All Marcus could say was: "FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

(Spongebob Narrator: Ten Minutes later)

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

(Spongebob Narrator: One hour later)

A Sharpclaw's head 'sploded as Fox's Magnum ejected a brass bullet casing. He aimed the gun to the right and pulled the trigger, decorating the walls with another Barney ripoff's brain matter, then aimed to the left and repeated.

"Gore all around! :D" cackled Fox maniacally.

"Was that a fat joke?" demanded Al Gore, appearing from nowhere.

Fox shot him, too. Then continued on through the palace, slapping in a fresh clip of 50 caliber death as the spent clip clattered to the floor.

"Don't suppose you'd mind giving me a turn with that thing?" asked Marcus.

"Not sure that'd be safe," replied Fox, heading further into the palace.

"Not safe? I could break most of these guys over my knee. I've spent my entire LIFE handling weapons more dangerous than a crappy 50 caliber pistol, and if you weren't paying attention to me an hour ago, I destroyed several of those baby godzillas with my bare hands while you just blew holes in them," retorted Marcus angrily.

"I mean it wouldn't be safe because if you held a gun, you'd have no way to cover yourself and I'd be blinded," said Fox, noting that the blue vulpine still had nothing to cover himself with, except his own hands.

"Hurry up and fix that damn warp, Slippy," mumbled Marcus to no one in particular.

Right about then, Fox's PDA vibrated, so he pressed a button and his hologram hovered in front of him. A static filled image of Slippy appeared.

_'That was convenient,'_ thought Marcus.

"Fox...I got...working again...still need to...outside..."

Fox ran over to a window and stuck the PDA outside and the image cleared completely, revealing a crystal clear image of the frog now that the device recieving the signal was outside of the structure interfering with it. Even from a distance, Marcus was surprised at how young Slippy looked. The last time he'd seen the frog, he'd gained alot of weight and had grown a gray beard and had several sons and daughters with another frog named Amanda. It sure was strange seeing him so differently like this. Slippy told Fox something that must have been important, but Marcus wasn't paying attention. So many things sinking into his mind, each one overwhelming him. His parents being alive again, no one hunting him, Slippy not being fat. It was too much to absorb in such short order. He wondered if it were really as simple as that, if he could literally live in the past with his parents while they were still alive, free of any sort of time paradox, assuming time travel really worked that way to begin with. Of course, there was nothing that ruled out things being that simple. Perhaps he could, in fact, start over and begin anew a few years before he was supposed to. After all, it was only another 3 years before he was supposed to exist. Not a big change, all things considered. Maybe he could even start a new life with...her.

"Marcus!"

The blue fox's thoughts were interrupted when he heard his dad calling his name, which sent him on another nostalgia trip as he'd been so wrapped up in his own thoughts about the past and everything he'd lost in it that to hear his long dead father suddenly speak his name made him remember how much he'd missed him.

As he shifted his gaze to Fox, however, he noticed him holding a folded suit of combat armor and wondered if he'd also been hiding that for teh lulz.

"Slippy got the warp drive fixed and sent me this after I requested it. Try it on for size," said Fox, handing the balistic armor to Marcus, who quickly slipped it on.

All in all, it was a perfect fit, thumbs up to his dad's guessing skills, but it just wasn't the same as his power armor which practically carried him with its built in nano muscles. Still, it was better than beng nude, and he'd take his parents being alive over power armor any day, so he couldn't complain.

"You might also need this," said Fox, handing Marcus a pistol.

Marcus eagerly accepted it, but upon examination, realized the weapon was a 22 caliber. One notch above a BB gun.

"What the hell? Don't you got anything stronger than this?" asked Marcus.

"It's called the happy gun. Show me that you're a big boy by taking out enough baddies with it and then you'll get your bigger gun," grinned Fox (troll face).

"I pull the trigger and this thing is more likely to break than shoot," scoffed Marcus.

They then went into the BIG-ASS-ROOM-WITH-FLOOR-FANS-THAT-BLOWS-PEOPLE-UPWARD and saw several jellyfish hauntng the place.

"Mom's right above this room. Just need to find the fan that will blow us up to her," said Marcus.

"Is it any of these?" asked Fox, hoping that Marcus might remember enough of the details, assuming he really was from the future.

"I don't know. You just told me it was a wind generator that blew you up to her when you'd tell me stories about this place. I never got much more detail than that," replied Marcus.

They then heard someone shouting and looked up at one of the floors above them to see a sharpclaw pointing at them and alerting his comrades. The floating jellyfish started moving toward the two Vulpines.

"You ready for this?" asked Fox.

"No, but I wouldn't miss it for the world...or at least a decent weapon," replied Marcus, holdig up his .22 pistol.

The two McClouds charged into the room like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, bullets flying and brass shells hitting the floor.


	13. Reunion

In the wind generator room of the Krazoa Palace, Several Sharpclaw were patrolling, waiting for any sign of trouble, as General Scales had put it. This might've kept them on edge, except the palace they were guarding was on top of a huge mountain in scenic nowherezville, so what it was they were guarding the palace from was beyond them. So far, only that blue fox lady tried to sneak into the palace, and that didn't work out so well for her, as she was now the only prisoner on the entire planet that the Sharpclaw actually wanted to guard.

Two of the Sharpclaw in the generator room were currently rolling dice to see who would get to guard her next.

"See? That's 3 sevens in a row!" pointed out Dirt.

"Would that have anything to do with the fact that you're using LOADED dice?" asked a second Sharpclaw in a frustrated voice.

"Naw, the Gawds just favor me more, _Blossom_," laughed Dirt, spitting out his partner's name.

"Hey, it's not my fault I was named that," protested Blossom, "It's not like I'm the one who made the decision to name all sharpclaw after the first thing that touched them after they were born."

A third sharpclaw noticed two foxes entering the room and attempted to warn his compatriots.

"FLABALUH!" he shouted stupidly, waving his arms around.

"Shut up, Cinderblock!" shouted Blossom.

Then Cinderblock's head exploded.

"Holy Pop Tarts in a Pencil Sharpener! Cinderblock's head 'sploded!" shouted Blossom.

"You probably made him think too fast! D:" said Dirt.

Then Dirt's head 'sploded.

"Am I the only non-stupid person in this room?" asked Blossom to no one in particular.

He then felt a stinging sensation as a small, metallic object bounced off his face.

"Who the fuck just shot me with a BB gun?"

(...)

"Damn this .22," growled Marcus.

He watched Fox effortlessly decapitate two Sharpclaw with two shots from his magnum and decided to join the fun, only to be reminded that he was stuck with the ironically named happy gun.

Fox squeezed the trigger on his magnum, sending a high caliber projectile at the remaining Sharpclaw, only for the dinosaur to duck out of the way and dive behind cover.

More Sharpclaw appeared from out of nowhere, and unlike the other Sharpclaw who'd been carrying war clubs, these dinos were trained in the use of firearms.

"Cover! They got slingshots!" shouted Fox.

(Sharpclaw aren't very high tech)

Both vulpines dived behind stone columns in time to avoid being hit by angry birds. Fox wasn't fast enough, however, and got clipped while making a run for it, causing him to trip and slide behind the cloumn while his magnum fell to the floor, sliding within reach of Marcus who picked it up.

While Fox tried to contact Slippy through the Palace's fuzzy connection, Marcus decided now was as good a time as any to use the powers he'd been endowed with.

"Zero it out," he whispered to himself as he closed his eyes.

"Dial it in," he whispered, focusing his inherited telepathy so that he could expand it.

"AMP IT UP!" he shouted as his mind became aware of his surroundings.

He couldn't see the Sharpclaw in the large room, but he was aware of their positions, where they were looking, and even what they were thinking at that precise moment.

The blue vulpine whipped around the column, his eyes still shut, and fired at a sharpclaw to the left who was loading another round. It hit him in the shoulder, causing him to snap back the hand holding the slingshot strap, subsequently releasing it by mistake. The angry bird it was holding snapped to the side and hit another sharpclaw who was so startled by the impact from behind that he fell forward, over the ledge, and plummeted a good 30 feet to a messy end.

"Sunny side down," taunted Marcus, getting back behind cover.

Fox was like ._.

This whole time, he thought he was Lylat's foremost badass, and now this blue fur fag comes out of nowherez to show him up? But on the other hand, he wasn't going to be young and virile forever, and this Marcus fellow _was_ proving to be quite useful, so having him around might not be such a bad idea. That being said, he'd also have to keep an eye on him since he still knew nothing about him. Asking about him might be a good start.

"How'dju do that?" he shouted.

"No time to talk. I need to concentrate!" replied Marcus, keeping his eyes shut.

He whirled around the column a second time and put a round through two Sharpclaw, then got back behind cover, all without opening his eyes.

This guy really knew his business. ._.

"Use one of your grenades!" shouted Fox.

"I can haz 'nades?" asked Marcus.

"They're on your belt. They came with the armor!" shouted Fox.

Marcus looked at his waist to discover 4 baseball sized explosives, two on each side.

"ME GUSTA!" declared Marcus, plucking one of the little darlings from his belt.

He pulled the pin, concentrated his AMP FACTOR one more time, then whirled into the open and threw the grenade with all his might to the right of the sharpclaw. The grenade bounced off a nearby column and landed right in the middle of the sharpclaw squad, creating one helluva fireball, and one helluva mess.

"GOT EM!" shouted Marcus.

"HELL YEAH!" whooped Fox, jumping out from behind cover to examine the carnage.

"Beat that!" taunted the blue hulk.

Fox was about to think up a clever comeback when the smoke from the blast cleared, and lo and behold, there stood a lone sharpclaw with his small club raised in front of himself, protecting him from the rain of shrapnel that would have swiss cheesed him had the game been more realistic, but alas, this is Nintendo we're talking about. :P

Fox got a demented look on his face and ran toward the giant fan in the center of the room, angrily shouting "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

The wind carried him upward until he was on the same floor as the dino, and he landed on its marble surface, _still shouting_, and ran over to the remaining sharpclaw and stuck his finger in the dino's face, finishing with "-UUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

As soon as he finished, he reached into the back of Blossom's pants, yanked out his underwear, kicked the reptile over the edge, and attached said underwear to a random flag pole. The dinosaur yanked to a halt in mid fall and screamed in a very girly voice.

Marcus sweat dropped as he stared up at the sharpclaw that had literally fallen victim to an atomic wedgie, courtesy of his own dad.

_Remind me not to make him angry. ._._

Normally, Fox could fight scores of enemies for hours on end, days if he had to, but inconsistencies like the invisible war club shield really took it out of him.

"Thank Gawd it's finally over!" he sighed, slumping to the floor.

He spoke too soon, as several ghost like jellyfish thingies appeared from out of nowhere.

"Oggy doggy ona choggy!" they chanted in unison as they surrounded Fox.

The orange vulpine was too tired to run and sweat dropped at the sight of those uber creepy looking tentacles poised to stick themselves in places where they didn't belong. But before the jellyfish could bring this fic to an M rating, Marcus tore through the blockade, scooped up Fox, ran toward a fan vent placed in the wall, and hugged his orange counterpart against himself as the air carried them both out of reach of the flying octopus rapists.

They ascended out of the vent to find themselves on top of the palace, out in the rain again, which had only gotten worse since they went inside the temple. The downpour was so heavy that Fox wasn't ready for it and buried his face in Marcus' chest and was a bit relieved when he felt the big guy's arms surround him. Despite his hard, uber muscular build, his size and fur made him a warm, fuzzy rain shelter.

That relief turned sour when Fox realized Marcus was purring as he held onto him.

"Okay, fun time's over! Lemme go!" said Fox.

Marcus released him, then turned his attention to the large diamond like object on the center of the roof and noticed there was someone inside of it.

Only one possibility.

"Oh look, there's your future wife," pointed out Marcus, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

It took Fox a moment to notice the person Marcus was referring to was _inside_ the oversized diamond. He strolled up to it and examined it more closely. The sight nearly made his jaw drop.

"Whoa! She...looks alot like Marcus," Fox realized.

The vixen did indeed look like his blue counterpart.

"Soooo...what do you think? :3" asked Marcus, appearing behind Fox.

"...she looks just like you," pointed out Fox.

Marcus went pale under his fur and wondered if he'd stopped his parents from getting together. His dad used to tell him that when he first saw Krystal, he thought she was the most gorgeous being he'd laid eyes on, this side of the mortal coil. Yet, the only thing he seemed to notice this time around was the fact that the woman looked like him, Marcus. Could he have taken away that enamoring experience his dad was supposed to have, just by being there?

_**"Snake, you can't do that! You'll create a time paradox!"** _said a disembodied voice from out of nowhere.

Then Marcus heard another voice in his head.

_"Oh please get me out of here!"_

It was the unmistakable voice of his mother. She could see them both, even now while she was still inside the diamond she was named after. She must've been bored as hell. :(

_"You can see us?"_ asked Marcus, using his telepathy.

_"Yes! I can see you! I would also speak with my mouth, were it not for the fact that I'm completely frozen in here!"_ shouted Krystal mentally.

It hadn't even registered in her mind that she was talking to what looked like another Cerinian. She truly was that desparate to get out of her own namesake. But on the other hand, if she could communicate to him through her mind, might she also be able to see into his?

"What are you doing, Fox? Release the spirit and get out of there!" said Peppy through the hologram.

"Yeah, whatever," replied Fox, switching off the hologram to look at Krystal some more.

Marcus turned back to his mother-to-be

_"Do you know who I am?"_ he echoed.

Krystal seemed to calm down a bit upon noticing his blue fur.

_"You're...one of my people?"_ she asked through her mind.

_"Sort of, but do you...remember me?"_ he thought.

_"No, I do not,"_ she replied.

Marcus felt his heart sink. His mother had ALWAYS known who he was, and to hear her deny it after all these years of not seeing her was incomperehnsible, even if it was for obvious reasons.

_"What's wrong?"_ asked Krystal, sensing his sudden change in emotions.

Marcus normally would have responded calmly, but right now, he felt like his heart was being stomped all over. He'd seen the remains of his parents, knew what they did to them, that their end was not peaceful, and spent the last 14 years of his life fleeing the many enemies his parents had who wanted his blood. Now he FINALLY had them back AND THEY DIDN'T FUCKING REMEMBER HIM?

_"Don't you remember me?"_ he practically shouted.

On the other hand, Krystal wasn't in a position to remain calm, either, having been trapped in this rock for who knows how long with nobody to keep her company but ravenous sharpclaw who were more interested in gawking than talking, not to mention she still hadn't gotten her badly needed potty break, and this other cerinian who had all the freedom of movement he wanted shouting at her in her head wasn't helping much.

_"I'd remember if I cared enough to, but as you can see, I'm not exactly in a position to do so!"_ she shouted back.

Marcus' ears drooped. What was the point of getting his parents back if they didn't remember him? He wanted to start over with them, but not like this. There had to be some way he could make them remember him. His mom never told him much about the ways of the Cerinians, but there had to be some way they could plant images in eachothers' minds.

_"Is there a way I could show you what's in my mind?"_ asked Marcus, trying not to sound less than innocent.

_"Anything that'll take my mind off this hell I'm in,"_ replied Krystal more calmly, _"I'll gaze into your mind while you think really hard about whatever it is you want me to know about."_

Marcus closed his eyes and concentrated on his childhood he spent with his parents.

Krystal focused her telepathy into his mind, actually seeing into it instead of just sendng signals to it, and at first, the images she was seeing were blurred, not much that she could make sense of. Slowly, but surely, however, they began to clear up and she saw...herself?

As if sensing her presence, Marcus thought of everything about his mother that he could remember.

Krystal saw countless memories pass in front of her eyes very rapidly, all of them centering on her. From what she was seeing, this man remembered her as...his mother. And that fiery vulpine she was seeing must have been her mate. It all felt srangely familiar, like some alternate life she'd had once but couldn't quite recall.

Then she saw something that made her recoil: a grissly image of her and that same orange vulpine lying dead, wounds covering the length of their forms, indicating they'd met a painful end. While she couldn't exactly recall this other life, she did remember feeling death taking her. THAT was something she did remember...along with reflecting on the life she'd shared with Fox, and how she regretted that her time with Marcus had been so short.

_"Yes. Yes! I remember now!"_ she shouted, tears cascading from her eyes.

Anything the images of her did to rekindle her memory paled next to the regret she felt at leaving Marcus, which she clearly remembered. That was what brought back her memory of a future that could still be changed.


	14. I Remember

**Sorry that it took me so long to make such a short chapter, but work has been very draining, lately- I cannot, with a clear conscience, recommend working at McDonalds, except as a last resort- but Christmas is here and I needed to put SOMETHING up, and forced my lazy arse to finish this for you guys, as this is the only story of mine that seems to be getting any attention anymore, so consider this update a personal thanks from me for being such loyal readers (assuming you're still reading, anyway), you guys are worth the effort. ;)**

Despite the woman encased in the diamond looking like a female version of Marcus, Fox had to admit that, on her own, she had to be the most gorgeous vixen he'd ever laid eyes on. Perfectly cut and parted bangs that had _princess_ written all over them, a face that was smooth and soft, and a thin, curvy, well toned body covered in a tribal outfit that neither showed too much, nor too little. Her blue and white fur also magnified her beauty, making her stand out from all the red, brown, and black vixens he'd met before, giving her a gentle, graceful look that made him want to hold her in his arms, and at the same time, he wanted to do so much more than that to her.

This was the woman for him. He had to have her for himself.

(music stops abruptly)

"Peppy Here! Whadda ya doin Fox?" asked Peppy's hologram, appearing from nowhere, "Release the spirit and get out of there! Peppy Out."

"Yeah, whatever!" replied Fox, switching off the hologram.

_"Sooo...how do I "release" this spirit?"_ he thought to himself.

He pondered that for a few moments, until Marcus tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hmm?" he asked, snapping out of his thoughts.

"She remembers," stated Marcus, matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean?" asked Fox, not sure what he meant.

"I'm a telepath. I can read minds. I was able to help her remember her life with you," replied Marcus.

_"Oh yeah, he told me earlier that this woman was my future wife. He does look like her, so either this is all one hell of an elaborate prank, or perhaps he is legit. Only one way to find out, tho,"_ thought Fox.

"If you could communicate to her, then how come you haven't done the same with me?" asked Fox.

"It happened by accident. I knew that her being my mother allowed me to do more than just read her mind. I could actually communicate back to her, like in a mental conversation. However, I wasn't aware that her reading my mind would make her remember her own future, but it all came back to her. She remembers us," replied Marcus.

"Mhmm. Does that mean you're gonna help me, too? If I'm your _dad_, then you should have the same connection with me as you did her," tested Fox.

_"Can you hear me now?"_ asked a voice inside Fox's mind.

_"Wait what?"_ thought Fox.

"Hear any strange voices, lately? :3" asked Marcus.

"That...that was you?" asked Fox nervously.

_"Yeah that was me. You think I'd lie about telepathic abilities if I wasn't gonna prove them?"_ asked the voice, which Fox now recognized as Marcus'.

Before Fox could think up a shocked response, he heard another voice.

_"Fox, it's me, Krystal. Don't you remember me?"_ asked a feminine sounding voice with a deep accent.

Fox's gaze turned toward the only female in the area: the blue vixen in the crystal, whose eyes were now looking directly at him.

The Krazoa ghost entering his body had been spooky enough, but this was beyond bizarre.

"W-Who are you?" asked Fox shakily.

"Try talking to her in your mind, she'll hear you better," winked Marcus.

Fox repeated the question in his thoughts, not knowing what else to do, then got a response: _"I'm Krystal McCloud, your wife. I'm inside the stone. You're supposed to get me out of here!"_

_"How would I do that?"_

_"How many spirits have you collected?"_

_"Krazoa spirits?"_

_"Yes."_

_"This is my first."_

_"GAAAAAAAHHHHH! I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!"_

This wasn't happening. Here he was on a planet that no one knew of until recently, about to be blown up by magic, getting possessed by dino spirits, and talking to a blue vixen trapped in a crytsal, with his mind. This was too unreal.

"Marcus, pinch me!" ordered Fox, extending his arm.

Marcus was about to respond, but then pinched his own arm. After all, how could he have gone back in time? His whole life, he'd known for a fact that one couldn't simply go to their fantasy land to escape their problems, yet he seemed to have done just that, so he needed to make sure he wasn't dreaming before he continued any further. He pinched himself harder this time, then decided that he really wasn't dreaming.

Then he did the same for Fox who yelped louder than he expected.

_"Crap, gotta remember my own strength,"_ thought Marcus.

"Okay, I'm not dreaming...," said Fox, "...which makes it even worse."

He could not escape this bizarre nightmare he'd found himself in. Perhaps retiring right after he'd taken out Andross would have been a good idea...although it was very easy to forget that he'd stayed in the mercenary business because he couldn't so much as go to the grocery store without being targeted by an Andross supporter, so this was inevitable. Not for the first time, Fox would have loved to turn his gun on himself and take the easy way out, but there was no guarantee he wouldn't wind up someplace far worse as a result. His dad had also taught him to face his fears head on, rather than let them fester overtime, so he'd have to face this, instead of run from it.

_"Alright,"_ he thought, facing Krystal, _"How did you remember everything?"_

_"I read Marcus' mind and saw myself in there and I recognized the memories he had of me as his mother. It all came back to me."_

_"Ye-ah...listen, don't take this the wrong way, but Marcus told me you are my future wife. Is that true?"_

_"We marry August 3rd, 2107, and I gave birth to our child only a year later. We raised him together, but when he was ten, we were both captured by Andrew Oikonny- who we thought was dead- and I was tortured to death. I can still clearly recall the cold hands of death pulling my very soul from my tattered shell of a body. Don't you remember?"_

Fox thought about that for a moment. The emotion in her (mental) voice indicated that she certainly believed what she was saying, and while she didn't give much description of her supposedly gruesome death, he felt a sense of sorrow and loss just thinking about it...but why? Why did he feel for her supposed loss?

He might have dismissed that tiny flicker of emotion, had it not seemed so out of place, for he had heard people describe death in many ways and from many perspectives and never thought much of it...except for his parents. Only for his family had he felt such loss when they passed on, never for anyone else. Only for those he truly cared for. Only those he had known like no other.

The more he thought about it, the more familiar this blue vixen became. He started to feel a sense of recognition as he thought about her. And the more he thought about her, the more surprised he was to discover how much he already knew about her: she was the last of her kind. The last of a race of telepaths preserved in the stone she was named after. She was the one he had endured countless obstacles, and fought countless foe to rescue, like in a fairy tale. And like in a fairy tale, she stayed by his side, through thick and thin, separating only briefly, then reuniting to defeat a common enemy, and finally marrying and producing a child.

He remembered all of it. She was Krystal McCloud, his wife, his lover, his soul. The woman he fought with...loved with...suffered with...died with. Tears streamed down the fiery vulpine's face, mixing with the rain drops as it all came back to him. Krystal, Andross, Aparoids, Anglars...Marcus.

His gaze turned to the blue vulpine that had accompanied him through the palace.

"Marcus?" he said in disbelief, true recognition finally setting in.

His own child...he'd grown so much. Even after his parents were taken from him at a very young age by people who also pursued him because of his last name, he'd not only survived, but had crossed time and space to find his way back to them.

Not waiting for the man who was his son to respond, Fox rushed forward and pulled Marcus into the tightest embrace he could manage, while Marcus did the same, neither willing to let the other go again. Neither of them able to keep their eyes dry.

He'd left Marcus behind once.

Never again.


	15. The Real Krazoa

**AWW YEAH! WORDS N SHIT!**

Fox remembered everything, including what was supposed to happen in the near future...

He would release the krazoa spirit, get swallowed by the idol, warp back to the Hollow, find the Warpstone intact again- due to the game's zelda physics- blow him up again, go through some stone maze, then arrive at a clearing filled with leaves falling from the tree like it was autumn (unlike the rest of the planet, strangely), and there, he would find something even weirder:

(Flashback...or Flashforward, whatever)

_The last Sharpclaw's head exploded as a 13mm bombshell passed through it. Fox loaded a fresh clip into his Casull Magnum- pulling the slide back with his teeth- then continued onward toward an odd looking idol in front of a metal gate. He was tempted to pick it up to see if a giant round stone didn't roll out of nowhere and chase him back to the entrance, but before he could test that theory, the thing literally spoke to him:_

_"PEH SEEXTY SCARUBS TO ENTAR CAPE CLAW!"_

_That was the first thing he'd come across that had been able to take his mind off of all the R-rated things he wanted to do to the blue vixen he'd seen earlier. Not so much the idol talking to him, since earlier he'd blown up a much bigger one that could also talk, but instead the ridiculous voice the thing spoke to him in._

_"I didn't quite catch that, could you repeat it?" asked Fox, trying not to snicker._

_"PEH SEEXTY SCARUBS TO ENTAR CAPE CLAW!" the statue repeated._

_"You'll have to say it again, I'm a little hard of hearing after all that shooting," lied Fox, concealing his laughs._

_Again, the idol replayed its ultimatum in its rather amusing voice/accent._

_Then the orange vulpine noticed a small green button on the side of the idol marked 'A' and pressed it, making the idol automatically repeat itself without being asked to. Upon making this discovery, Fox wasn't sure if the small statue was alive or automated, but now that he'd discovered a way to make it talk automatically, he simply couldn't pass up the opportunity to abuse his newfound power._

_"PEH SEEXTY SCARUBS TO- PEH SEEXTY SCARUBS TO ENTAR- PEH SEEXTY- PEH SEEXTY- PEH SEEXTY- PEH- PEH- PEH- PEH- PEH- PEH-"_

_Fox hadn't laughed that hard since he made a thorntail turn emo back in chapter 9. Having had his fun, and now in better spirits than before, he decided to comply with the idol's request...in his own special way._

_"Very well, my good sir, have a scarab," snorted Fox, feeding it a frag grenade that was painted like a scarab (originally intended for the shopkeeper)._

_"(SCHLORP) Go on, in you-" (BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM-)_

_(Okay, moving on)_

_The gate was blown open by the explosion, so Fox skipped merrily into the maze of death that awaited him, but got lost and had to get directions from a pink striped cat that literally grinned from ear to ear and spoke in riddles. After finally figuring out that the cheshire cat was telling him to take a left, Fox made it out of the maze and fell down a well where he landed next to a ditzy looking blonde human in a blue dress, who'd also fallen down the well._

_"It would be so nice if something made sense for a change," sighed Alice, sitting on her tuffet, eating kurds in her way._

_"I'm an anthropomorphic mercenary armed with space age equipment, stopping a planet of talking dinosaurs from exploding because of a magic build-up," replied Fox plainly._

_"I think I should understand that better, if I had it written down, but I can't quite follow it as you say it," said Alice, still cornfused._

_"Care to tell me your story?" asked Fox, intrigued by this furless ape._

_"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning?" asked Alice, "I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"_

_Now Fox was getting worried, "Are you sure you're alright? You're talking kinda funny."_

_"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, because I'm not myself, you see," replied Alice._

_"I think you need to go see a psychaiatrist," suggested the vulpine._

_Alice's face scowled over as she defiantly replied, "It was much pleasanter at home, when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits."_

_Fox raised an eyebrow and said, "I'm neither a mouse, nor a rabbit! Are you dumber than Britney Spears?"_

_Not even looking at Fox, Alice replied, "Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is - oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!"_

_"I don't have time for this," said Fox, "Shut up and stand aside or I'm going to stuff you in my holster and smother you!"_

_"Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin," whined Alice._

_"HERE'S HOW!" shouted Fox and he grabbed the blonde by her neck and made good on his threat._

_Afterward, he climbed out of the well and found himself overlooking a tropical beach carved into a rocky canyon. Again, the seasons and climates were drastically different despite being mere feet apart, as the well connecting the autumn themed forest to this tropical resort wasn't that long to begin with._

_Fox noticed a single Sharpclaw patrolling the path leading down to the beach and decided to take him out silently as he pulled out his staff and waited in the bushes..._

(Present)

"Dad, you alright?" asked Marcus, "You've been staring at the wall for nearly a half hour."

Fox blinked, snapping back to reality.

"I was having a flashback." he explained.

_'If you're done reminiscing, would you PLEASE do something to get me out of here faster?'_ shouted Krystal's voice in his mind.

Fox groaned, realizing he'd have to go through all the Krazoa trials again, remembering them and not looking forward to them at all...until he recalled the moment at the end of his mission when it was time for the spirits to finally make good on their deal.

(Flashback- or is it Flashforward?)

_Fox reached the top of the palace for what he hoped would be the last time. Now he could finally finish his mission and leave this Godforsaken world, 5,000,000,000 credits wealthier._

_He strolled up to the last krazoa statue, then fell to his knees and let out a loud tuba like sound as the spirit in question exited his backside and settled itself into the big head whose cousins had swallowed Fox whole, but unlike them, this one remained still, to Fox's relief. __The furry merc got back to his feet and saw all six spirits orbiting the blue vixen trapped in her namesake. He waited for them to release his damsel in distress, but to his surprise, they flew into her body, one by one. Fox wondered if this was apart of the process, but he was pretty sure they were up to no good when the blue fox began having spasms within her confinement, thrashing about and shuddering. Moans of pain reached Fox's ears, either audible or telepathic, but he knew the spirits weren't planning on just letting the vixen go. Not without possibly harming her first._

_"You said this would save her!" shouted Fox, running up the ramp._

_The blue fox's eyes shot open, revealing a slight purple hue that was steadily increasing in intensity. __Fox knew right away what was going on: the vixen was a sacrificial lamb. They were trying to take over her body. That must have been why they'd encased her in the diamond in the first place!_

_Almost instinctively, Fox reached behind his back, flipped out the staff and unfolded it in one fluid motion, aimed it, and shot a fire beam at the large diamond. All six spirits left the crystal, letting loose an almost unearthly screech of pain and rage as they rushed over to the nearby krazoa statue._

_Fox got closer to the diamond that the blue vixen was still trapped in and gave it a good whack with his magic staff, hoping it would do some damage. It did far more than he expected when the diamond practically disintegrated before him. Having honed his reaction time in countless hand-to-hand fights with the sharpclaw, Fox immediately saw gravity take its toll on the vixen who began to plummet into the palace below, and he thrust his staff out for her to grab. The blue fox caught it and held on for dear life as Fox regained his balance and pulled her in._

_"Are you alright?" he asked._

(Present)

How could he have forgotten that important detail?

He walked casually over to the large precious stone Krystal was trapped in, pulled out his staff, and gave the diamond a light tap.

Sure enough, it crumbled into dust, and Krystal began to fall, the fact that she'd been freed early taking a moment to sink in, but she still had enough brain function to grab her staff as Fox held it out for her, deja vu taking hold.

Marcus stared in bewilderment. From what he remembered his parents telling him about this event, he expected it to be a bit more glamorous. He would have asked his future parents about them collecting all the spirits, but decided to wait till after they were done mauling eachother in a heated make-out session, during which he made himself scarce by hiding behind a pillar and waiting.

Fox couldn't believe this had happened. He'd been given another chance at life, even after he and Krystal had been captured by some shadowy assassin and tortured to death, but now, they were young again, their past selves remembering their futures thanks to their son who had somehow gone back in time after growing up without them. Now they could stop all those future threats before they even happened, and they could all be a family without anyone tearing them apart so cruelly...but first, he would spend some "quality time" with his wife- AFTER he was done claiming her mouth with his own as she dug her claws into his back while he pinned her against one of the pillars. The rain soaked the dirt and grime from Fox while his soul mate lit a fire inside him, her tongue fighting to dominate his while her thighs squeezed his waist as she tried to get as close to him as possible, their clothes more of an obstacle than a form of protection.

But their passion was short-lived when Fox suddenly collapsed to his knees, groaning in pain.

"What's wrong, Fox?" asked Krystal frantically, her telepathy providing no answers either since the vulpine himself had no idea what was going on.

Hearing the commotion, Marcus ran over to his dad, ready to help in any way he could, but Fox crossed his arms over his midsection, groaning about stomach pains. Before he could fall onto his side, however, a loud rumbling noise was heard as a familiar bluish purple hue came out of Fox's backside. In the same instant, Fox felt the pressure on his bowels evaporate mercifully, as the krazoa spirit left him. His only regret was that Marcus and Krystal had both been there to witness it.

That wasn't the end of it, though, because instead of floating up to where the now non-existent diamond casing was, and orbiting it, the spirit instead took on a very different shape than what they'd all been familiar with. Instead of an elderly woman's head, the krazoa spirit changed into a more humanoid shape, growing a body with arms and legs attached. It seemed impressive, but the trio's awe turned to shock when the humanoid spirit began to develop actual features. At first, none of them could tell what specie it was, but as it developed a more detailed face and fur patterns, it gained the appearance of a feline. But that was where the ability to identify it became nearly impossible, for the feline was so ravaged by age that the only thing that gave its race away was its cat like ears and the stripes running down its backside. Everything else was too wrinkled to be recognizable, and the fact that it was unclothed made it all the more unsightly.

This would have been shocking enough, but then the creature slowly and painfully raised its right arm, rotating its shaking hand and closing all of its fingers except for the thumb and index finger, which it pointed at Fox accusingly.

"You," rasped the wrinkled corpse of a cat, "ruined EVERYTHING!"

Its voice was dry and cracked, like a desert floor.

"You...will never leave this world...ever again!" growled the skeletal entity in a voice so icy that it should have left icicles in its wake.

It looked weak, but its words carried enough hatred and fury to make Fox worry about what it might try doing, but to everyone's surprise, the spirit simply vanished.

For a moment, the three stood there, stunned to silence, before Marcus finally broke it.

"What the hell was that?" he asked.

"I think that was Krazoa's real form," replied Fox.

"Shouldn't we be getting out of here? I think things have gotten messed up enough already," said Krystal.

"Good point," replied Fox, dialing up ROB's com.

Before he could contact his robot, however, Peppy's hologram appeared beside him.

"Fox, what just happened? I saw a huge energy reading, and then it vanished, but your vitals are still active, so it wasn't a bomb. What's going on?" asked Peppy, almost excitedly.

"I'm...not entirely sure," replied Fox, "I think the spirit is more than we originally thought, because it just threatened me and disappeared."

Alarm took over the rabbit's face.

"You pissed off the dino ghost? How are we supposed to get it to help us keep the planet from exploding?" he asked incredulously.

"I'm not sure, but I'll think of something," replied Fox, knowing Peppy's inevitable response:

"Think of something? Yeah well leave me out of it before you think the rest of the team to death. You might have been a genius during the Lylat War, but your bulb wattage has started to run lo-FZZSCHCKFZZPS2LOLSPAM- alienating our only real help-SCHSSSKRWTFBBQGULLTOOGA-surfing on lemons-SPZZTZFLLTROLOL-eat people-LALELULEYLON64FAG-SSSSSSSSSSS..."

The transmission fizzled out and went blank, leaving six googly eyes staring in shock.

Fox tried to get the Great Fox back online, but there was no signal, which meant there was no way to contact anyone...or any way to warp out of there.

"Well that's not good," said Marcus.


	16. Insane in the Mainframe

**Short Chapter. :( But at least it didn't take me long to write. :D**

All three foxes went inside the palace to escape the rain as they tried to figure out a way to communicate with the Great Fox.

"Does it EVER stop raining up here?" asked Marcus, tussling the water out of his hair.

"I remember all the times I come back to this place in the future, and it was pouring each time. So no, it doesn't stop," replied Fox as he fiddled with his com.

"I don't care, I'm just happy to be out of the stupid diamond a month early," ranted Krystal, "Dear God, those few seconds where I was still trapped in that giant crystal and knew how much longer I'd be stuck there were almost enough to drive me completely insane. Damn good thing your father also remembered enough to break me out."

"I think I'm getting something," said Fox, holding the com to his ear.

So far, the hologram wasn't responding, indicating that Krazoa's powers affected electronic items, so he made one last attempt to contact the Great Fox through his com.

(Great Fox)

Peppy stormed down the hallway to Slippy's room, needing the otherwise incompetent tadpole's technical know-how to fix whatever communication problem they were having. He hated to break Slippy from his scheduled sleeping period, but this qualified as an emergency. However, upon arriving at Slippy's door, he heard not snoring, but a slightly different sound:

"Huff!...Huff!...Huff!"

Peppy opened the door to the frog's room to see the reptile smacking a haystack with a baseball bat, his eyes half open from exhaustion.

"Slippy, I don't think that's what they meant by "hitting the hay," explained the hare.

"So that explains why I can barely stay awake. I thought this was supposed to give me moar energy," replied the reptile.

"You think you could come help me get our com system back online? I've lost contact with Fox, and he seemed to be in serious trouble when it happened," explained the rabbit.

"Only if you tell me how to sleep correctly, afterward," replied Slippy.

Peppy wondered if using Slippy to solve the problem was the right move, but there was no one else he could turn to since ROB seemed to be infected with some kind of virus, which happened right after contact with Fox was lost. Come to think of it, EVERYTHING went haywire after the explosion. There must have been more going on than anyone realized.

The two entered the control room to find ROB sparking and fritzing about erratically.

"What's eatin him?" yawned Slippy, sleepily.

"No clue. That's where you come in, little man," replied Peppsy.

How he wished he knew a thing or two about computers and robots like Slip. The rabbit's main expertise was in weapons and turrets, so he wasn't much good with ROB, but at least he'd been able to keep out intruders a few times while the others were away.

Slippy fumbled around inside ROB's system, until he found something out of place and snapped it back, causing a hologram of a white robed woman to appear in the middle of the room.

"Help me, Augie Ben Doggie! You're my only hope!" she lamented.

ROB suddenly clicked to life, looked at Slippy, then Peppy, then the holographic woman, and asked "What kind of party is this? There's no booze, and only one hooker!"

That was some virus he got. Not only did it clog his systems, but it changed the robot's personality. Peppy hoped ROB wouldn't attack him, as he was the only robot for lightyears around.

"Uh, forget ROB, just fix the com," said Peppy.

"Kayz!" sighed Slip, sitting in front of the computer.

"Hey my antenna's gone. No wait it's down here. I can't get any reception though," lamented ROB, "Mabye if I wiggle it around..."

"No ROB! You'll make God cry!" shouted Slippy.

"Oh bite my shiny metal ass!" protested ROB defiantly, then ran away.

"Could this day get any worse?" asked Peppsy.

Right about then, the computer terminal Slippy was hotwiring fritzed out for a moment, before coming back on. Only this time, it displayed a blue screen that read:

_A total FU exception has occured at your location. All system functionality has been terminated._

_-To run system power cycles, press any key._

_-If the system does not run power cycles, proceed to bang your head on the keyboard and scream like a little girl._

_-To contact Tech Support, press any key._

_Press any key to continue__

"Okay, which one is 'any key'...?" asked Slippy, scanning the keyboard.

Peppy pressed down on the Escape key, hoping that would do the trick. Instead, a pudgy man in a hawaiian shirt appeared over a white background, wagging his finger.

"Ah! Ah! Ahhh! You didn't say the magic word!" he taunted.

"HATE THIS HACKING CRAP!" shouted the hare as he tore out several power plugs, then reinserted them.

The terminal took a moment to reboot...then showed a familiar image of a man in a tuxedo dancing in front of a microphone.

"We're no strangers to looove...you know the rules, and so do IIIII-"

"FUCKING TASK MANAGER SUMMONED!" shouted RageFaceSlippy.

Computer screen: Okay. (Okay Face)

The Frog ran through several anti-malware programs, then reset the computer. This time, however, the screen displayed the face of a man with a pointed moustache, a big nose, a green hat, and a very blank stare.

"WEEGEE! :O" shouted OhCrapFacePeppy.

(Planet Souria)

"Any luck?" asked Marcus.

"Nothing. The ship's been silent for a while," replied Fox.

"Any chance this might be the aparoids?" asked Krystal, "It's only another year until they show up, and Marcus ripping a hole in the space-time continuum could have easily thrown off one event or another."

"It's possible, but I think this Krazoa person has something to do with it," replied Fox, "after all, when I gathered them all together in the future, they looked like they were about to do something to you before I stopped them, forcing them to help Andross fight me before I imprisoned them back into the planet. Likewise, when I broke you out of your prison early, they seemed even more upset than the first time, so I'm guessing they have something to do with all of this."

Then the trio heard a voice like nails on a chalkboard screech through the palace.

"FETCH ME THEIR SOULS!"

"Sounds like Krazoa isn't finished," noted Krystal.

Before they could explore, however, they noticed several sharpclaw staggering lazily toward them. Besides the staggering, they noticed something else was wrong with these particular sharpclaw: they had glowing yellow eyes, and they looked like they'd been killed, buried, and dug up two weeks later.

Fox's zombie-killing instincts kicked into gear.

"Back off, maggot-mouth!" he shouted, shooting each one in the head, his weapon clicking on empty as he reached the last one.

A fireball shot out of Krystal's staff, roasting the last sharpclaw zombie.

"We fight with honor!" declared Krystal.

Then the entire palace went dark.

"No power...just like home!" said Marcus.

Dozens of glowing yellow eyes materialized in the darkness as hordes of Sharpclaw zombehz closed in on the trio. Fox reloaded his magnum, Krystal readied her staff, and Marcus swung around a machete he picked up off a dead sharpclaw.

Fox took aim at the undead crowd sent by Krazoa.

"Die again, bonebags!" he shouted, pulling the trigger.

**Sorry that was so short, but I promise the next one will be good. ;)**


	17. Author's Notes

**To all my loyal readers, I'm sorry to say that my funny juice tank has run empty, so I'm just gonna bring this project to an abrupt end...**

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**JUST KIDDING! I've decided to split the story into two categories at this point:**

**The first will be a continuation of Starbucks as it originally was, for those of you who prefer it that way. This one will be titled "Starbucks Adventures: Part 2."**

**The second will be a continuation of Starbucks where Marcus comes back from the future to change everything. This one will be titled "Starbucks ASSault."**

**It'll take some time to gather my thoughts, but in the end, it'll be worth it. Expect the first chapters sooner, rather than later. ;)**


End file.
